What can I do if my child seems ‘used to’ me being around but emotionally unavailable? 

Parenting Perspective 

Recognise the Signs of Emotional Distance 

A child who has grown used to your physical presence without your emotional engagement may show subtle signs of distance. You might notice they stop seeking eye contact, offer only short replies to your questions, or play without ever looking to you for a reaction. This is not a sign that they no longer need you; it is a sign they have adapted to lower emotional input. 

Reintroduce Active Engagement Gradually 

The key is to reintroduce your engagement gently. Start with small, warm gestures that feel natural, not overwhelming. This could be as simple as pausing to admire their drawing, asking a single curious question about their game, or just sitting beside them without a device in your hand. Consistency in these small moments will slowly reteach them that your presence now comes with connection, not just proximity. 

Create Dedicated Connection Windows 

Try to build short, predictable connection points into your daily rhythm. This could be the first five minutes when they wake up, a shared cup of tea after school, or a brief walk after dinner. The predictability of these moments is what builds their trust, reassuring them that you will now show up for them emotionally, not just physically. 

As you shift from being passively present to showing active interest, your child will slowly begin to associate your company with emotional safety and warmth again. This transition is most successful when it is done gently and consistently, without sudden demands for closeness. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic faith teaches that our relationships are nurtured through genuine warmth and mercy, and that offering our full presence is a prophetic act of love. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 159: 

‘So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained (in your heart), they would have dispersed from around you…’ 

This verse beautifully illustrates that it is softness of heart and genuine warmth that truly draws people together. This emotional availability is far more powerful for building a bond than mere physical presence without connection. 

It is recorded in Riyad Al Saliheen, Hadith 383, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When any one of you loves his brother, let him inform him that he loves him.’ 

Following the prophetic example of giving someone your full attention when they speak, we learn that love must be demonstrated. Openly expressing our affection and offering our undivided attention, even for just a moment, builds a bond of love that simple proximity can never replace.