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What can I do if I feel emotionally disconnected from one child more than the other?

Parenting Perspective

Feeling a natural affinity for one child over another is a very human feeling, but emotional intelligence enables us to act on purpose rather than on whims. Start by accepting this internal disconnect with grace and without passing judgement. Consider any unsolved grievances, personality differences, or hidden expectations that might be causing the emotional distance. Next, make a conscious effort to strengthen the relationship. Every day, set aside five minutes for the youngster to lead the conversation, whether it be through a game, a tale, or a stroll. Consistency, presence, and the message, I want to learn more about you, are crucial. Even if intimacy seemed difficult at first, it gradually develops emotional warmth. Being a parent is not about always feeling completely attached. It is about fixing, reconnecting, and going back, repeatedly.  

Spiritual Insight

The Islamic ethic of justice (Adl) includes emotional fairness. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 24: ‘And spread over them (your) auspices with humility and mercy…’ This verse extends to how we divide up our emotional focus. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ gave careful consideration to the requirements of each companion. It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 3544, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, ‘Act equally between your children…’ The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ demonstrated balance and profound emotional intelligence by giving each family member and friend individual attention. While consistent presence, active compassion, and true desire are necessary for emotional fairness, identical exchanges are not. We cherish our Amanah and embody the prophetic spirit of mercy in our parenting by aiming for justice.

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