What calm phrase keeps us safe while feelings are big? 

Parenting Perspective 

When strong emotions rise, logic often recedes. In those moments, children, and indeed adults, need more than just reasoning; they need reassurance. A simple, calm phrase can act as an emotional anchor, helping a child to know that even when their feelings are big, the love around them remains steady. The right words, spoken gently and consistently, have the power to turn stormy moments into safe ones. 

The Power of a Repeated Phrase 

Children remember what is repeated with kindness, not what is shouted in panic. A calm phrase can become a rhythm of safety, a consistent reminder that their feelings can be expressed without fear. It is best to choose short, grounding words that are easy to say even when your own emotions are running high. Examples include: 

• ‘We are safe. We can breathe.’ 

• ‘It is okay to feel this way. I am right here with you.’ 

• ‘We can handle this together.’ 

The goal is not to stop the feeling, but to make the space around it feel secure. Your tone and your presence are what give these words their meaning; the phrase is only as strong as the calm behind it. 

How Words of Safety Work 

When emotions surge, the brain’s fear centre is activated, and logical thought slows down. A calm phrase, especially when repeated slowly, signals safety to the nervous system. It helps to regulate the breathing of both you and your child, allowing the body to return to a state of balance. For instance, if your child is crying loudly or yelling in frustration, instead of saying, ‘Calm down!’ you could try, ‘You are safe. I have got you.’ The difference is profound: one demands control, while the other offers comfort. 

Practising Co-Regulation 

Before a child can find their own calm, they often need to borrow it from a trusted adult. This process is known as co-regulation. You can facilitate this by sitting near them, keeping your voice soft, and slowing down your own movements. You might whisper, ‘Let us take one breath together first,’ and then, after a pause, gently add your chosen safety phrase. This teaches your child that peace is not something that is imposed upon them, but something that can be shared. 

Creating a Family Safety Phrase 

Every family can create its own signature phrase that feels natural and meaningful. It can be helpful to involve your child in choosing it so that it feels personal to them. Some ideas include: 

• ‘Hearts calm, words kind.’ 

• ‘We are safe, even when it is hard.’ 

• ‘Allah gives us calm when we breathe.’ 

Say it not only in difficult moments but also during peaceful times, so that it becomes woven into your family’s daily emotional memory. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, a state of calmness (sakinah) is not passive but is an active remembrance of Allah Almighty in the midst of an emotional storm. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ guided others with soft, reassuring words, even when situations were tense. A calm phrase, when said with sincerity, can therefore carry a spiritual as well as an emotional power. 

Divine Reassurance in the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Fatah (48), Verse 4: 

‘He (Allah Almighty) is the One Who has transmitted tranquillity into the hearts of the believers; so that they may advance in the faith (strengthening) their (current) faith…’ 

This verse reminds us that true calm comes from Allah Almighty; it is a sakinah that descends into our hearts through remembrance, not through suppression. When parents use calm words in tense moments, they are echoing this divine rhythm, guiding their children toward a faith-filled peace rather than a fear-driven silence. 

The Prophetic Response to Fear 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 3696, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said to Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) when they were hiding in the cave during the Hijrah: 

‘Do not be sad; indeed, Allah is with us.’ 

This profound reassurance, spoken at a moment of extreme danger, shows how calm words can transform fear into faith. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ did not dismiss the feeling of fear; he offered his presence and a reminder of divine nearness. Likewise, when you tell your child, ‘We are safe; Allah is with us,’ you are teaching the same truth: that even in our emotional storms, the love and protection of Allah remain constant. 

Over time, your chosen calm phrase will become a bridge between emotion and peace. It will teach your child that big feelings are allowed, but love is what keeps us safe. When spoken with sincerity, it soothes the nervous system, nourishes the heart, and invites the remembrance of Allah Almighty at the moment it is needed most. 

Your calm voice can become their inner voice, a gentle reminder that steadiness can be found even in distress. As you repeat those quiet, grounding words, your home will begin to reflect a deeper peace, one that flows not from the absence of emotion, but from the ever-present mercy that steadies both parent and child through every storm.