Parenting Perspective 

While monitoring a child’s screen behaviour is important, an approach that feels like spying or constant scolding can make them become defensive and secretive. The goal is to create a culture of guidance, where reviewing online activity feels like supportive coaching rather than punishment. This helps your child see digital manners as a part of their personal growth, not something they need to hide from you. 

Frame It as Learning, Not Policing 

Approach the conversation as a collaborative effort. You could say, ‘Let’s look together at how we are using our phones and messages, as I also want to learn how we can all be better.’ By including yourself in the process, you remove the feeling of a one-sided inspection and replace it with a sense of shared responsibility. 

Use Positive Reinforcement 

When you are looking through their messages or activity, make a point of highlighting the positive. If you notice a respectful or kind interaction, acknowledge it: ‘I really liked how you thanked your friend here; that was very thoughtful.’ Focusing on what they are doing right encourages them to continue those behaviours and reduces the fear that these reviews will only ever involve criticism. 

Ask Reflective Questions 

Instead of harshly pointing out a mistake, guide your child to reflect on their own actions. You could ask, ‘How do you think your friend might have felt after reading this message?’ or ‘Is there a kinder way you could have written this?’ This approach shifts the focus from blame towards empathy and problem-solving, empowering them to make better choices in the future. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches the importance of reviewing one’s own words and actions as a form of self-accountability (muhasabah), a spiritual practice that is essential for strengthening one’s character. 

The Duty of Self-Reflection 

The Quran commands believers to be mindful of their actions and to reflect on what they are sending forth for the Day of Judgement. This principle of review is a core part of preparing for accountability before Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashar (59), Verses 18: 

‘ All those of you who are believers, seek piety from Allah (Almighty); and let every person anticipate (the consequences of) what they have sent forth (in the Hereafter) for the next day; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty); as indeed, Allah (Almighty) is fully Cognisant with all your actions.‘ 

The Wisdom of Self-Control 

The prophetic tradition praises the one who actively guides their own soul, reflecting on their actions rather than simply following their desires without thought. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2459, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The intelligent person is the one who controls himself and works for what comes after death, and the incapable is the one who follows his desires and merely hopes upon Allah.’ 

By reviewing your child’s screen behaviour without shaming them, you are mirroring this prophetic balance of accountability with mercy. They will learn that self-checking their online actions is not about fear, but about sincerity, respect, and striving for a better character in the sight of Allah Almighty.