What are healthy compromises when extended family allows screens at mealtimes or bedtime? 

Parenting Perspective 

Navigating parenting boundaries with extended family can be delicate, especially when it comes to screen use at sensitive times like meals or bedtime. The goal is not to control other households, but to protect your child’s wellbeing in a way that also preserves family harmony. 

Identify Your Non-Negotiable Boundaries 

Before you visit, decide as parents which one or two boundaries are your absolute non-negotiables. For example, if you know that screens before bed significantly disrupt your child’s sleep, that is a boundary worth holding firmly but politely. Knowing your priorities in advance helps you to stay calm and focused in the moment. 

Choose Your Battles and Allow Flexibility 

Not every battle needs to be fought. If a family dinner includes a rare movie night that everyone is excited about, you might choose to allow it as a special exception. You can balance this flexibility by returning to your usual routine the very next day, ensuring that the exception does not become the new rule. This shows your child that you can be adaptable while still valuing your core principles. 

Offer Positive, Unifying Alternatives 

Instead of just saying no, try to suggest activities that everyone can enjoy together without the need for screens. This could be a group board game, sharing family stories, or going for a short walk after dinner. Framing it as something enjoyable and inclusive rather than a restriction will almost always gain more cooperation from everyone. 

Keep the Conversation Warm and Child-Focused 

When you do need to discuss screen limits with relatives, always speak from the perspective of your child’s needs, not from a place of judgment. For example, saying, ‘He sleeps so much better when he has a calm, screen-free hour before bed, so could we perhaps read a story together instead?’ is much more effective than declaring that screens are ‘bad’. 

Healthy compromise means your child continues to benefit from your core boundaries, while your precious family bonds stay strong and supportive. 

Spiritual Insight 

Family gatherings are intended to be a means of strengthening relationships (silat ar-rahim) and bringing blessing (barakah) into our homes. Navigating them with wisdom is an act of faith. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 13: 

‘Indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous…’ 

This verse reminds us that true honour comes from piety and righteousness, which includes gently and wisely guiding our families towards what benefits them most, even when it is socially awkward. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 112, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not a believer who eats his fill while his neighbour is hungry.’ 

While this speaks of a neighbour, its principle of profound consideration for others applies deeply within the family. It teaches us to be mindful of the needs of those around us, including the spiritual and emotional health of our children. By guiding your extended family with kindness and understanding, you can uphold your child’s healthy habits while preserving the warmth and unity that Islam so strongly encourages.