We sometimes use ‘jokes’ to win arguments. Could that teach our child to use humour to dominate instead of resolve? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, using ‘jokes’ to win an argument, even subtly, can teach your child that humour is a tool for dominance rather than resolution. While there is a place for light-heartedness, when jokes are used to belittle or dismiss someone during a conflict, they become a disguised form of emotional control. A child who observes this may conclude that the person with the sharpest wit holds the most power. They might internalise the idea that laughter can be used to silence another person’s discomfort, instead of engaging with them sincerely. Over time, this blurs the line between humour and harm, and your child may struggle to differentiate between laughter that connects and laughter that cuts. This can affect not only their communication at home but also their future relationships, where winning an exchange becomes more important than listening. 

What your child is learning about conflict 

Children observe patterns more than they do punchlines. If they repeatedly see one parent “winning” an argument by being the funnier one through mockery or clever retorts, they may learn to use humour as either a shield or a weapon themselves. This can stunt their emotional development, making them less capable of apologising or reflecting when tensions arise. The antidote is to model a type of humour that heals, not one that humiliates. A joke must never be a substitute for taking responsibility. If your child witnesses humour being used unfairly, a simple repair like, “I joked earlier when I should have been more honest, and I am sorry,” can powerfully reframe their understanding of both courage and connection. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, humour is a welcome part of life, but never at the expense of another person’s dignity. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was known for his gentle humour, but he never used it to mock, insult, or diminish anyone. His laughter was a means of bringing hearts together; it never left someone feeling smaller. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Humazah (104), Verse 1: 

‘Eternal damnation is for all those who are the slanderers and the backbiters of (innocent people) ‘

This verse is a direct and sobering warning against those who use ridicule to hurt or belittle others. In the emotionally sensitive presence of a child, even what seems like light mockery can plant a heavy and lasting message. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2305, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not laugh too much, for too much laughter deadens the heart. ‘

This is not a condemnation of joy, but rather a profound reminder to keep our humour rooted in sincerity and wisdom, not in excess or as a tool for emotional avoidance. So yes, when jokes are used as a tool to “win,” children learn that cleverness matters more than compassion. However, when you consciously shift your approach towards honesty, humility, and shared laughter, rather than strategic humour, you show them something far more valuable. You teach them that resolution is not about overpowering another person, but about understanding them. That is the kind of laughter that nurtures a soft heart, rather than hardening it.