We sometimes show passive-aggressive behaviour, like ‘forgetting’ things the other asked. Could this confuse or unsettle our child? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, absolutely. Subtle forms of conflict, such as passive-aggressive behaviour, can be deeply confusing and unsettling for a child who lacks the emotional maturity to decode it. When a parent routinely ‘forgets’ to fulfil requests, delays cooperation, or responds with sarcasm or pointed silence, it creates a contradictory environment. While the home might appear calm superficially, there is an underlying tension that children are highly sensitive to. They absorb this emotional undercurrent and can become anxious, insecure, or may even feel responsible for managing the mood of the home, without understanding the cause. 

This behaviour teaches children to handle conflict indirectly, often through avoidance and manipulation instead of honest communication. Over time, this pattern erodes a child’s sense of emotional safety. They may start to believe that love is conditional or that simmering resentment is a normal feature of relationships. To break this cycle, the focus should be on direct and transparent communication, which does not mean being louder, simply clearer. If you feel hurt or disagree with a request, it is better to model a respectful response, such as, “I am not ready to discuss this right now, but I have heard you.” This shows your child that difficult feelings do not need to be disguised; they can be voiced with honesty and dignity.

 

What Passive-Aggression Teaches (Unintentionally) 

• That difficult emotions must be hidden or masked from others. 

• That love and cooperation can be withdrawn as punishment. 

• That it is futile or unsafe to ask directly for one’s needs. 

• That unresolved resentment is a normal part of relationships. 

A home atmosphere defined by such indirectness often produces children who feel responsible for managing the moods of others. They become experts at walking on eggshells, trying to maintain a harmony that is never openly discussed. Instead of developing into confident communicators, they learn to navigate a world of unspoken rules and anxieties. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam calls for sincerity in both our words and our intentions. While passive-aggressive behaviour may seem to avoid open confrontation, it frequently nurtures a hidden resentment that can be far more damaging to a relationship in the long term. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 235: 

‘….And do not make final resolution to tie the knot of marriage until she has reached the end of the prescribed term; and be aware that indeed, Allah (Almighty) knows fully what is within your thoughts, so be mindful of Him (Allah Almighty); and know that Allah (Almighty) is Most Forgiving and Most Gracious. ‘

While this verse specifically discusses marriage contracts, its wisdom extends to our daily conduct, reminding us that Allah Almighty is aware of our innermost thoughts. Sincerity and transparency are therefore not merely moral ideals, but essential spiritual disciplines. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4910, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not hate each other, and do not turn away from one another. Be servants of Allah as brothers. ‘

This teaching guides us to avoid harbouring quiet resentment. An emotional detachment disguised as politeness does not create peace; it creates disconnection. By choosing directness over subtle digs, you teach your child that love is not a form of silent warfare, but a force that is honest, patient, and kind, even during disagreements.