We recently had a miscarriage, and our grief showed up very differently. How do we support each other openly while keeping our child emotionally safe? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Emotional Impact on the Household 

You can provide mutual support during this time of grief, while also safeguarding your child. This is achieved by demonstrating tenderness in the face of suffering, rather than by concealing it. A miscarriage is more than simply a private sorrow; it has an emotional impact on the entire household. Children are aware that something has changed. They may notice a parent crying, withdrawing, or irritated. If nothing is explained, children may imagine the worst and internalise the tension as their fault. 

A Strategy for Reassurance and Stability 

The trick is not to pretend everything is normal, but to give your child a sense of stability even as you go through agony. It is okay for your child to see sadness. What children really need is confirmation that grief is okay. You can explain, “We are feeling heavy since we lost someone very important to us. We still love you. We are still your parents. We are still here.” Children do not require complete information to feel emotionally comfortable. They require calming energy, compassion, and predictable patterns. And, between you and your partner, realise honestly that grief manifests differently – one person may cry, while another remains silent. Validate one other’s coping strategies without bitterness. When a child witnesses parents respecting and softening towards one another in mourning, he or she learns that sadness does not have to tear families apart. It may deepen them. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, Allah Almighty is always aware of a child’s death, even before birth. Such a moment is documented, seen, and commemorated. Grief is not a diversion, but a holy test. When partners assist each other gently throughout these difficult times, they leave a compassionate legacy for their children to inherit. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 155–156: 

‘And indeed, very soon We (Allah Almighty) will test you with something: with fear; and hunger….and give good news to those who are resilient. Those are the people when they come across any tribulation; they say “Indeed, we (came) from Allah (Almighty) and indeed, we will return to Him.”’ 

These words do not remove grief. They give it a context – a meaning and a position in the divine picture. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 918a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘No Muslim is afflicted with a calamity and then says what Allah has commanded him — “Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return” — and then supplicates, “O Allah, reward me for my affliction and replace it with something better,” except that Allah will replace it with something better. ‘

Your calm presence, soothing voice, and mutual care not only safeguard your child, but also transform grief into an atmosphere of sabr, kindness, and closeness to Allah Almighty. That, in itself, is a tremendous form of healing.