We once clashed in front of our child over a decision and they said, ‘Just forget it’. Are they starting to feel like a burden? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, when a child responds to parental conflict with a phrase like, “Just forget it,” it can be a clear sign they are internalising the tension and starting to feel like a burden. This is not necessarily a conscious act of self-blame, but rather a reflection of emotional fatigue. Children are incredibly sensitive to the emotional temperature of their home. If they regularly see their parents clashing over decisions that involve them, they can easily begin to believe they are the root cause of the conflict. Saying, “Just forget it,” is often their way of retreating to prevent further tension, even if it means sacrificing their own needs. Over time, this can lead to withdrawal, people-pleasing, or a difficulty in expressing their own opinions, all rooted in a deep-seated fear of being ‘too much’ for the people they love. 

Reassuring your child and restoring emotional safety 

The first step is to gently but directly affirm your child’s worth. You might say something like, “We are sorry you saw us disagreeing. We want you to know that you are never, ever a problem; we are just learning how to work better together as a team.” This should be kept brief but sincere. The next step is to change the pattern they are reacting to. Make a firm agreement as parents to handle your decision-making calmly and in private, especially when it involves your child. When children consistently see their parents navigating decisions with unity and respect, they stop absorbing the blame and start to feel emotionally safe again. It is your consistency, not your perfection, that sends the most powerful message: “You are not the cause of our conflict. You are the reason we are learning to be better.” 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, children are described as both a gift and a test, but never as a burden. How we protect their hearts during moments of tension is a critical part of our amanah (sacred trust) before Allah Almighty. The emotional weight a child feels when witnessing their parents in conflict is not always visible, but it is undeniably real. When they begin to internalise that weight, it becomes our responsibility to ease it with gentleness and truth. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verse 1: 

‘…So seek piety from Allah (Almighty), and correct all matters (in the relationships) between yourselves… ‘

This divine command is a powerful reminder that reconciliation between loved ones, especially between parents, is not merely an act of kindness but a profound duty. The emotional peace of the entire family begins with the peace between its leaders. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1924, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The merciful are shown mercy by Ar-Rahman. Be merciful on the earth, and you will be shown mercy from Who is above the heavens. ‘

Part of being merciful to our children is shielding them from emotional responsibilities that do not belong to them. It means ensuring they feel cherished, not blamed, especially when things go wrong between the adults in their life. Your child’s words in that moment are more than just frustration; they are a quiet cry for safety. By softening the emotional space between you and your spouse and reaffirming your child’s place as a source of joy, not a trigger for conflict, you begin to lift that invisible burden from their shoulders. In doing so, you help create a home where love is not something to retreat from, but something to always return to.