We live with extended family, and it often creates confusion around discipline. How can we take back authority without disrespect? 

Parenting Perspective 

In a multigenerational home, a child’s discipline can easily become a communal issue, leading to conflicting messages that undermine your authority. Reclaiming your role as the primary guide requires a strategy of gentle diplomacy, firm unity, and clear communication. 

Align with Your Spouse First 

Before addressing anyone else, you and your spouse must be a united team. Privately agree on your core, non-negotiable rules and how you will support each other. A strong, united front is the foundation of your authority and provides the consistency your child needs to feel secure. 

Speak Respectfully with Elders in Private 

Approach relatives with honour and respect, never confronting them in front of your child. You can frame the conversation around the child’s wellbeing: ‘We so appreciate your love and support. To help our son feel secure, we are trying to be very consistent with his routine. It would be a huge help to us if we could all follow the same approach’. 

Gently Redirect in the Moment 

If a relative intervenes or contradicts your instruction, you do not need to create a conflict. You can gently but firmly reclaim the situation with a simple, respectful phrase like, ‘Thank you, we will handle it from here’. This subtly reinforces that the final decision rests with the parents. 

Use Clear Routines to Reinforce Your Role 

Structure is your best friend in a busy home. Consistent family routines around meals, homework, and bedtime naturally establish your leadership. When your child knows what to expect from you every day, they will look to you for guidance, regardless of other voices in the house. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches a beautiful and delicate balance: we must show the utmost respect to our elders while also fulfilling our own sacred trust as the primary guardians of our children. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 14: 

‘And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents… Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination…‘ 

This verse establishes the high status of parents and elders, demanding that we treat them with honour. However, it also reminds us that our ultimate accountability is to Allah. Fulfilling our specific parental duty is a trust for which we are directly responsible, and it must be carried out with wisdom. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ emphasised the specific responsibility parents have to be just with their children. 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari, 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be afraid of Allah and be just to your children.‘ 

This command highlights that providing just, fair, and consistent discipline is a direct duty upon parents. It is a core part of the amanah (trust) of parenthood. By taking the lead with calm authority and respectful boundaries, parents are not being disrespectful to others; they are fulfilling their own unique, God-given role.