We had love once, but now there is only duty. What parts of that dynamic are my child absorbing as ‘normal’? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Unspoken Lesson 

Your child is likely absorbing far more than you realise. Even if there are no obvious disagreements, the lack of compassion, lightness, or excitement subtly teaches children that relationships are about function rather than connection. They may begin to identify maturity with emotional detachment, when parenting becomes an obligation rather than a source of warmth, and coexistence replaces genuine relationship. Over time, this can alter their expectations of love, leading them to accept emotional coldness or fear vulnerability entirely. 

A Strategy for Reintroducing Warmth 

There is no need to impose romance or show affection, but tiny acts of presence can subtly transform the emotional tone. A nice remark over dinner, a shared prayer, and a moment of mutual appreciation do more than just provide consolation; they also rebuild emotional credibility in the home. Speak softly to your child about various forms of love: “Sometimes love looks like teamwork. But we are also learning how to bring back laughter.” This teaches your child that love is not always loud, but it should never be dead. It also indicates that change is possible and that adults, too, are free to develop. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam does not encourage loveless survival. Marriage in the prophetic tradition is characterised by mercy, comfort, and purposeful intimacy, even during difficult times. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you loving tolerance and kindness…’ 

This verse reminds us that love is more than an emotion; it is divine intent. When pity and affection are gone, what remains may be structure, but not fulfilment. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most complete of the believers in faith is the one who is best in character and kindest to his wife. ‘

This Hadith emphasises the emotional obligation that comes with faith. By intentionally restoring kindness, even in the simplest acts, you honour the sunnah of rebuilding love rather than simply maintaining marriage. And in doing so, you educate your child that, while responsibility supports a home, affection nurtures the soul.