We fight most when our child is asleep, but lately they have been waking up anxious. Could they still be absorbing the tension subconsciously? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, it is entirely possible. A child’s nervous system is highly sensitive to the emotional climate of the home, even during sleep. While they may not consciously hear every word of a late-night argument, their subconscious can absorb the atmosphere of conflict through sounds like a slammed door, raised voices, or even hushed, tense tones. Over time, this exposure can seep into their sense of security, disrupting sleep patterns and affecting their emotional regulation. The sudden anxiety upon waking, a new reluctance to sleep alone, or a general unease during the day are not random occurrences; they are often quiet signals that a child is internalising the emotional instability around them. 

Rather than pretending everything is fine, the most helpful approach is to reinforce their sense of safety through calm routines and subtle reassurance. There is no need for a detailed explanation of the conflict. Instead, simply meet their anxiety with softness. If your child wakes up feeling anxious, offer immediate comfort and say something like, “You are safe. I am here with you. Sometimes grown-ups get upset, but we always fix it.” It is also wise to be mindful of your own tone and energy around bedtime, as children are acutely aware of what is left unspoken. The goal should be to create emotional quiet, not just physical silence. Even if disagreements are unavoidable, you and your spouse can resolve to handle them with greater mindfulness regarding your tone, timing, and the level of tension you create, knowing that little ears are always listening, even subconsciously. 

What to Be Mindful of During Night-Time Conflict 

• Children can hear and absorb more than we realise, even during sleep. 

• Emotional tension lingers in the atmosphere of a home long after an argument has ended. 

• The priority should be to reduce the conflict’s intensity beforehand, as well as offering comfort afterwards. 

• True repair is about presence, tone, and consistent safety, not lengthy explanations. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic teachings impress upon us that even the unseen emotions we project carry spiritual weight. Protecting the sacred trust (amanah) of those under our care, especially children, is a fundamental responsibility. A calm home is not one that is free from problems, but one where mercy is the guiding principle of the atmosphere. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verses 74: 

‘…O our Sustainer, Grant to us (those circumstances that make) our spouses and our offspring, a comfort for our eyes… ‘

This beautiful supplication reminds us that true emotional security in a family begins with how we conduct ourselves in our roles, not just as spouses, but as the co-builders of the very foundation our children rest upon. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 2578, that the Hazrat Aisha (R.A) narrarted: 

‘I had a race with him (the Prophet) and I outstripped him on my feet. When I became fleshy, (again) I had a race with him and he outstripped me. He said: This is for that outstripping. ‘

This beautiful glimpse into the private life of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and his wife Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) reveals a relationship founded on tenderness and light-hearted connection. This deep, positive baseline is what allows a partnership to withstand moments of tension. Children do not need perfection from their parents; they need to know that the foundation of love is strong. When they witness repair, softness, and respect after a disagreement, they learn that the loving connection they depend on is secure, even in the quiet of the night.