Sometimes I feel like I am the only one actively shaping our child’s character. How can I involve my spouse more without pushing them away?

Parenting Perspective

The Challenge of Perceived Imbalance

Exhaustion, resentment, and imbalance can result when one parent perceives themselves as the solitary moral compass in the household, affecting not only the parent but also the child. When both parents are involved in the development of their children’s character, they prosper. It adds a sense of consistency, profundity, and the conviction that values are a family priority, rather than a personal agenda.

A Gentle Invitation to Participate

Initially, it is important to recognise that not all parental contributions are equal. The one parent may be more involved in the discipline or routines, while the other may discreetly demonstrate patience, generosity, or a strong work ethic. Identify the lessons your spouse is already imparting, even if they are not delivered verbally, and express your appreciation for them. Occasionally, what appears to be a lack of engagement is truly a mere difference in expression. However, in the event that moral guidance is absent or ineffective, a delicate invitation is more effective than a confrontation. Share your concerns in specific terms: I would love if you could talk to him about honesty after what happened yesterday, or She really listens to you, maybe you could explain why that behaviour was not okay? This transfers the emphasis from abstract pressure to concrete participation.

Fostering Shared Ownership

Additionally, ensure that your spouse is involved in the planning process, rather than solely in the execution. Ask what values they care most about passing on. They may provide you with unexpected insights that you had not previously considered. Individuals are considerably more inclined to participate consistently when they perceive themselves as proprietors. Finally, express gratitude when they do participate. A firm reminder, a positive correction, or a deliberate discussion deserves to be observed. You are not only influencing the development of a child, but you are also facilitating the growth of your spouse as a parent. That process necessitates encouragement, not assessment.

Spiritual Insight

The responsibility of raising a morally upright child is not carried out by a single individual; it is a shared trust between both parents. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), Verse 6:

O you who are Believers, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire (of Jahannam) whose fuel is people and stones…

This verse serves as a reminder that both parents are accountable for the moral and spiritual development of their children. It is not a role that is mandatory for one and optional for the other. It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 2928, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

“Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you is responsible for his flock.“

When one shepherd takes on the full weight of guidance, the family loses balance. But when both step into their role, even imperfectly, the child grows up knowing that values are not one parent’s opinion, they are a family’s compass.