Should learning expectations be different for each child? 

Parenting Perspective 

Fairness Through Individualised Expectations 

Absolutely. While fairness is vital, it does not mean treating every child exactly the same. Instead, it means recognising and honouring each child’s individual needs, pace, and potential. Children vary in how they absorb information, express themselves, and respond to challenge or encouragement. One may grasp a concept quickly while another needs more time and repetition. Some thrive on structured routines; others learn best with creative freedom. The key to effective parenting and education lies in adaptability, not uniformity.

 

Creating a Safe and Motivating Learning Space 

Individualised expectations help children feel respected and safe. When learning becomes a space where they are seen and understood, rather than compared or measured against others, they are more likely to remain engaged and motivated. For instance, a child who processes information more slowly should not be labelled as ‘behind.’ Instead, they may benefit from visual aids, hands-on practice, or more time to reflect. On the other hand, a highly curious or fast-paced learner may need enrichment activities to stay challenged and stimulated. 

Avoiding Comparisons and Praising Effort 

Avoid using comparisons between siblings or classmates, such as ‘Your sister did this easily’ or ‘Why cannot you be more like him?’ These statements, even if well-intended, can damage self-esteem and create resentment. Instead, praise each child for effort, progress, and persistence. Celebrate their strengths and work gently with their challenges. Customised support helps children see learning as a meaningful, personal journey, rather than a race or a test. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 84: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): ‘Each person acts according to their own temperament, so your Sustainer is fully aware as to who is the one, who (has chosen to be on) the rightly guided pathways’. ‘

This profound Verse affirms that each soul is created with a unique nature, purpose, and pace. Allah Almighty does not expect identical results from every person. Instead, He looks at sincerity, effort, and alignment with one’s capacity and calling. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1345, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ adjusted his teaching based on the ability of the learner. He spoke differently to young children, to new Muslims, and to seasoned companions. He ﷺ never demanded the same from everyone but showed deep awareness of individual readiness and temperament. His ﷺ approach was not just compassionate, it was wise and deeply effective. 

Learning expectations, then, should reflect the balance between mercy and accountability. They should aim not to fit every child into a mould, but to help each one unfold according to their God-given design. In doing so, we reflect the justice and compassion that lie at the heart of Islamic parenting. Children grow best when they are guided with patience, believed in sincerely, and loved unconditionally.