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Should I teach sons and daughters the same way?

Parenting Perspective

All children, regardless of gender, deserve equal access to love, learning, and encouragement. The question is not whether sons and daughters should be treated the same in a rigid sense, but whether they are equally valued and supported in reaching their unique potential. In this light, the answer is yes. Every child should receive the same quality of attention, respect, and opportunity to thrive. What does differ is not their worth, but how they learn, what they enjoy, and how they respond to different teaching styles.
Some children are more visual, others more physical or auditory. One may benefit from storytelling, another from building or drawing. These learning differences are more strongly influenced by temperament, home environment, and life experience than by gender alone. Teaching with awareness means noticing these cues and adapting accordingly. For example, a boy might flourish through roleplay while his sister prefers quiet reading, or vice versa. Offering both children access to a variety of learning tools and environments is not only fair, but also essential for healthy development.
Parents should also guard against reinforcing cultural assumptions that may limit growth. Girls should not be steered only toward soft skills, nor should boys be discouraged from expressing emotion or enjoying creative tasks. This approach fosters internal confidence, resilience, and a love of learning that lasts beyond childhood.
Teaching fairly does not mean treating identically. It means applying equal care with thoughtful flexibility. When children see that they are guided according to their needs and not their gender, they are more likely to develop self-worth that is both grounded and lasting.

Spiritual Insight

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 97: ‘Whoever undertakes virtuous actions, whether a male or female, and is of Muslim faith; We (Allah Almighty) shall surely sustain him with a life of purity; and We shall certainly reward them with recompense which befits the best of their actions.’ This Verse removes all doubt about the spiritual equality of men and women. In the eyes of Allah Almighty, reward and dignity are linked to action and belief, not biology. Both boys and girls are born with sacred potential and are equally accountable, capable, and worthy.
It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 676, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: ‘Seeking knowledge is an obligation upon every Muslim.’ This Hadith Shareef places no distinction between male or female in the pursuit of learning. The obligation to grow in knowledge and character is universal. Furthermore, throughout his noble life, the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught, guided, and uplifted both men and women with equal concern and care. He honoured the intellect of women such as Murshidah Sayyidah Aisha (RA), who became a leading scholar of Hadith and Fiqh.
Teaching sons and daughters with the same intention, to help them become sincere, thoughtful, and capable servants of Allah Almighty, is part of fulfilling our Amanah (trust) as parents. Through balanced and compassionate teaching, we honour their divine design and help them rise with grace and confidence.

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