Parenting Perspective 

When a child’s behaviour embarrasses you in front of relatives, it can trigger a natural sense of frustration and the urge to demand an immediate apology. However, forcing a child to apologise publicly in the heat of the moment often creates shame rather than sincerity. The goal is to correct the behaviour while protecting your child’s dignity, so that any apology they offer is meaningful and not humiliating. 

Avoid Forcing Public Apologies 

Correcting your child harshly in front of others can lead to feelings of defensiveness and resentment, making a sincere apology almost impossible. Instead, it is important to remain calm in the moment and save the teaching for later. A discreet look, a gentle touch on the arm, or a subtle change of subject can often signal that the behaviour was not acceptable, without making a scene. 

Address the Behaviour Privately 

Later, when you are away from your relatives, you can speak to your child calmly. You could say, “When you said or did that in front of our family, it was hurtful and disrespectful. Can you help me understand why that happened?” This allows them to reflect on their actions without the intense pressure of a public audience. 

Teach the True Value of Respect 

Explain to your child that an apology is not about saving face for you as a parent, but is instead about repairing the hurt that was caused and showing respect for others. You can guide them by saying, “When you say you are sorry, it should be to make things better between you and that person, not just because I told you to.” 

Choose the Right Setting for an Apology 

If an apology to your relatives is necessary, encourage your child to do it later in a private and natural way. This could be a quiet word at the end of the visit or a polite and respectful greeting the next time they meet. This approach preserves sincerity while still teaching accountability. 

By handling your own embarrassment without resorting to public shaming, you show your child that a sincere apology is about building respect, not about acting out of fear. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the concepts of dignity (izzah) and humility are carefully balanced. Parents have a responsibility to teach their children respect, but they must also guide them with mercy and wisdom. The act of public shaming goes against the spirit of prophetic gentleness, while private teaching aligns perfectly with the values of justice and compassion. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 125: 

‘Invite (people) to (follow) the (prescribed) pathways of your Sustainer with wisdom, and polite enlightened direction, and only argue with them in the politest manner…’ 

This verse reminds us that any form of correction or teaching should be done with wisdom and kindness, not with harshness or public humiliation. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also modelled this gentle approach. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6125, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy for the people, and do not make it difficult for them, and make them calm (with glad tidings) and do not repulse them.’ 

This teaches us that our guidance should aim to uplift others and draw their hearts towards what is right, rather than shaming them, even when they have made a mistake. By handling your child’s public misbehaviour with calm and private correction, you protect their dignity while teaching them the importance of humility at the same time. This nurtures a sense of respect within your family and reflects the prophetic model of offering correction with mercy.