Responding When Your Child Feels Excluded From Group Chats 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child expresses anxiety about being left out of an online group chat, they are communicating a genuine fear of social exclusion. In today’s world, these digital spaces have become the modern playground where social bonds are often formed and tested. A parent’s role is to respond with empathy while building their child’s resilience and perspective. 

Validate Their Feelings 

Your first step is always to validate their feelings. Acknowledge the pain of feeling excluded by saying something like, ‘That sounds really tough. It is completely normal to feel left out when you know your friends are chatting without you’. This immediate validation shows you are on their side and makes them feel safe to talk further. 

Explore the Nature of the Group 

Gently guide them to think critically about the group chat itself. Not every social circle is a healthy one. Ask open-ended questions like, ‘What do people usually talk about in that group?’ or ‘When you have been in similar chats, do they usually make you feel happy or stressed?’. This encourages them to evaluate the group’s true value. 

Teach Healthy Boundaries 

Use this as a teachable moment about the nature of true friendship. Explain that real friends connect in many ways, not just in one specific chat. Help them understand that it is not necessary to be in every group to have strong friendships, and that sometimes, not being included in a negative space is actually a blessing. Sharing a personal anecdote can make this lesson more relatable. 

Strengthen Real-Life Bonds 

The best antidote to online social anxiety is strong offline connections. Proactively create opportunities for face-to-face socialising, whether it is hosting a friend, encouraging participation in a club, or organising a family outing with other families. The more rooted their sense of belonging is in the real world, the less power digital exclusion will have. 

By pairing empathy with thoughtful guidance, you empower your child to navigate the complex social world of today. You teach them that their worth and friendships are far too valuable to be defined by inclusion in any single online chat. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places immense importance on the company we keep, recognising its profound effect on our faith and character. This principle teaches a crucial lesson: the goal is not to be included in every circle, but to be part of circles that uplift us and bring us closer to goodness. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqan (25), Verses 27–28: 

‘On that Day the wrongdoer will bite his hands and say, “Oh, I wish I had taken a path with the Messenger. Woe to me! I wish I had not taken so-and-so as a friend…”’ 

These powerful verses serve as a timeless warning about the regret that comes from choosing the wrong friends. They highlight that the desire for popularity can lead to companionship that harms our faith. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2101, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The example of a good companion and a bad one is like that of the seller of musk and the blacksmith. From the first you would either buy perfume or enjoy its fragrance, while the latter would either burn your clothes or you find a bad smell.’ 

This beautiful analogy from the Prophet ﷺ perfectly illustrates the impact of our friends. Good company benefits us and elevates our spirit, while bad company inevitably leaves a negative mark. 

By sharing this timeless wisdom, you can help your child reframe their feelings of exclusion. They can learn to see that being left out of a harmful group is a form of protection, and that seeking out the right kind of friendships, both online and off, is the true path to peace and personal growth.