Reconnecting with Your Child When You Have Lost Yourself 

Parenting Perspective 

Parenting can begin to feel like performance rather than presence when you are disconnected from your own preferences and identity. Your child can perceive the silent emptiness, even if they are unable to articulate it, as you are not giving from a place of wholeness. They may begin to emulate it in their own manner, discovering that adulthood entails the loss of one’s sense of self, clarity, or joy. 

Children flourish when they establish genuine connections. A parent provides emotional consistency when they are aware of their identity, even if it is imperfect. A parent who is aware of their own pleasures, feelings of stability, or moments of tranquilly is more capable of assisting their child in navigating their emotional landscape. 

Permit Curiosity to Resurface 

It is unnecessary for you to possess all of the answers at this time. Initially, it is important to pay attention. What colours captivate your attention? What sustenance do you yearn for when no one is present? What are the instances that leave you feeling a little more alive? Permit curiosity to resurface in your life and accompany your child on this voyage. ‘I am currently in the process of determining my current interests. Would you like to embark on an exploration with me?’ 

This is not about adopting a distinct parenting style. It pertains to the development of a more candid personality. Your child comprehends that self-discovery is a continuous process, not a crisis, when they observe you relearning who you are. They also discover that they are not obligated to replenish your emotional reservoir; rather, they are permitted to partake in the affection you harbour for them. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam regards the individual as a soul with rights, dignity, and purpose, rather than merely a vessel for duty. Parenthood is a laudable obligation; however, it is not intended to obliterate your humanity. Reconnecting with oneself is not an indulgence; it is a component of fulfilling the trust in one’s own being. 

A Reminder Not to Forget Ourselves 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashar (59), verse 19: 

‘And do not become like those people who have become oblivious to Allah (Almighty); so He (Allah Almighty) made them oblivious about themselves; those are the defiantly nefarious.’ 

This verse serves as a cautionary tale regarding the potential for a loss of identity that results from a loss of connection with our Creator, as well as with our interior truth and purpose. As you become disconnected from your identity, your capacity to establish connections with others, including your child, is diminished. 

The Prophetic Model: Your Self Has a Right Over You 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Your own self has a right over you. ‘

[Sahih al-Bukhari, 83:12] 

This Hadith confirms that it is incumbent upon individuals to prioritise their emotional and spiritual well-being. The more you respect your own identity, the more you serve as an example of resilience, trust, and balance for your child. 

Therefore, the act of reclaiming your preferences, voice, and pleasure is not a diversion from parenting; rather, it is an investment in it. You are permitted to reinvent yourself. In the process, you may discover that your relationship with your child is strengthened in unexpected ways.