Our child says things like, ‘You are just like Baba’ when annoyed. Could they be drawing from how we talk about each other? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, when your child uses a phrase like, “You are just like Baba,” in a moment of annoyance, it is very likely a reflection of the relational language they have absorbed at home. Children are incredibly observant, not just of what is said to them, but of what is said around them. If they have overheard one parent criticising or venting about the other, even lightly, they can quickly learn to use such comparisons as a shorthand for their own frustration. This suggests they are learning that relationships are defined by labels and generalisations, rather than by direct communication. Over time, this can teach them that when we are upset with someone, it is normal to compare them to another person instead of addressing the issue at hand. 

How comparison becomes emotional currency 

Children use the language they hear to make sense of their own feelings. If they have internalised a message that, for example, ‘Baba is always impatient,’ then in a moment of frustration with you, they may use that learned phrase to express how they feel. This is a cue to examine how you and your spouse speak about one another. Begin by consciously eliminating any negative comparisons, especially when you are annoyed. Instead, let your child hear you model respectful distinctions, such as, “We all handle stress differently,” or, “Your father and I sometimes have different ways of doing things.” These small verbal corrections will help build a more respectful emotional map for your child, one where similarities are not used for blame and differences do not create division. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, speech carries immense spiritual weight, especially within the family. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never spoke ill of people, nor did he ever use negative comparisons as a tool for correction. His communication was marked by justice, empathy, and sincerity. This was particularly true in his home, where he knew that children silently absorb the tone of relationships and adopt it as their own model for life. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them….and do not insult each other; and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames…. ‘

This powerful verse reminds us that an emotional culture of mockery, comparison, or labelling is spiritually discouraged. Every person has a right to their dignity, especially in the eyes of their own child. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 41, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand others are safe. ‘

This safety unequivocally includes emotional safety. It is our duty to ensure that our children grow up in an atmosphere where language is used to uplift, not to divide. So, when your child echoes these comparisons, it is indeed a signal about the relational atmosphere they are absorbing. However, with a few conscious shifts in how you speak about each other, you can offer your child a new and healthier language, one built on compassion and calm distinction. In doing so, you teach them that family relationships are not about taking emotional shortcuts, but about an unwavering commitment to sincerity, respect, and a love that sees beyond comparison.