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Our child is reaching adolescence, but their father still treats them like a toddler or ignores them. How do we adapt? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Impact of Mismatched Parenting 

Adolescence signifies a transformation in one’s intellectual, social, and emotional requirements. When a father continues to treat the child as if they are younger than they are, or ignores them entirely, the adolescent may feel misunderstood, undervalued, or emotionally invisible. This might lead to irritation, withdrawal, or attempts to obtain attention in undesirable ways. 

Adapting with Intent and Respect 

To adjust, the father must recognise the shift with intent and respect. Begin by inviting input directly from the child: Dad wants to understand how you feel today. Would you prefer to chat together or write down what he should know? This moves from assumption to active listening, even if it happens gradually. Encourage new bonding formats that are appropriate for teenagers, such as collaborative projects, involving the child in modest decisions (for example, concerning family plans), or reading together about issues they are interested in. Offer respect publicly, even in small ways: He is learning your game with real interest or Dad asked about your interests today and I saw that meant a lot. Also help your husband reflect on emotional balance: ask What do you feel comfortable talking about with them now, even if awkward? Perhaps a short conversation about goals or shared hopes. These small efforts demonstrate that changing your role is not weakness, but rather parental bravery. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam values growth over clinging to past roles. A father’s evolving relationship with their adolescent exemplifies spiritual connectedness through care, respect, and guidance. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 17: 

O my son, establish your prayers, and (seek to) promote positivity, and (seek to) diminish negativity; and be patient with what afflictions you come across. 

This passage emphasises both advice and patience in parenting. Conversations with adolescents involve patience and compassionate leadership, which acknowledges their developing individuality while providing moral advice. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1921, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

Whoever does not show mercy to our young ones or does. 

This Hadith underlines that mercy is not limited by age. Treating an adolescent as if they are still small ignores the growing respect and space they require. Adapting your approach is more than just practical; it is a spiritual responsibility associated with prophetic teaching, demonstrating that true mercy equals growth. 

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