Our child has picked up on my habit of shutting down conversations by saying ‘forget it’. Is that a learned exit strategy? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, when a child uses the phrase, “forget it,” to end a difficult conversation, it is very often a learned emotional exit strategy, absorbed directly from a parent. While this may seem like a harmless way to deflect discomfort, over time it teaches a child that difficult feelings should be silenced rather than worked through. It models a form of relational disengagement where ending the conversation is prioritised over resolving the issue. Children who internalise this pattern may grow into adults who suppress their own needs, avoid vulnerability, and become frustrated by honest communication, not because they do not care, but because they were never shown how to navigate emotionally challenging moments. 

What your child is learning from your emotional exits 

Children do not need their parents to be perfect, but they do need them to remain present, especially when things get uncomfortable. When “forget it” becomes the default response to tension, it sends a powerful message to a child: “Your feelings are too complicated; let us shut this down.” The way to change this is not just by correcting your child, but by consciously remodelling the behaviour yourself. The next time you catch yourself saying it, try to pause and add, “Actually, I should not have said that. This is important, and I would like to try talking about it again.” This small act of repair does more than fix the moment; it gently re-teaches your child that emotional discomfort is not a dead end, but a potential doorway to a deeper connection. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic model of communication is rooted in the principles of sabr (patience), shura (mutual consultation), and rahmah (mercy). The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never dismissed a difficult conversation with detachment. Even when he was exhausted or misunderstood, he remained fully present, listening with his complete attention and responding with dignity. It was his emotional presence, not just his eloquence, that brought calm and clarity to those around him. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 159: 

‘…And if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained in your heart, they would have dispersed from around you; so then pardon them, and ask for their forgiveness (from Allah Almighty); and consult them in all matters (of public administration)… ‘

This verse teaches us that a softness of heart and a willingness to engage are essential for keeping people close, especially when conversations become difficult. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2319a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not show mercy to people, Allah will not show mercy to him. ‘

This mercy includes emotional availability, which is the courageous act of showing up for someone, even when silence would be far easier. So yes, your child’s use of “forget it” is more than just a phrase; it is a reflection of what they have come to believe about emotional safety. By recognising and reshaping this habit in yourself, you will not only teach them a better way to communicate, but you will also embody the prophetic mercy that remains sincere and open-hearted, even in moments of discomfort. That is how trust is rebuilt: one emotionally present moment at a time.