Our child becomes quiet when we bicker casually. Could they be internalising stress even if we think it is nothing major? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, absolutely. Even what seems like casual bickering can create a significant undercurrent of stress for a child when witnessed repeatedly. Children are far more attuned to tone, facial expressions, and other subtle cues than we often credit them for. What an adult might dismiss as a harmless exchange can feel like a tremor of instability to a child. If your child becomes noticeably quiet or withdrawn during these moments, it may be their instinctive way of bracing for tension or attempting to emotionally retreat from the discomfort. They may lack the vocabulary to explain their feelings, but their behaviour is a direct reflection of their perceived level of emotional safety. 

This insight does not mean you must walk on eggshells or eliminate every minor disagreement. It does, however, call for an awareness of how frequently the ‘background noise’ of conflict punctuates your daily life. If you notice your child becoming quiet, zoning out, or being unusually obedient when you and your spouse bicker, it is a probable sign that they feel unsettled. In those very moments, a small gesture of repair can be incredibly powerful. A shared smile between parents, a light comment like, “We are just figuring things out, everything is fine,” or a simple moment of warmth can be profoundly reassuring. These actions demonstrate that a relationship can hold disagreement without any loss of love. 

Signs Your Child Might Be Internalising Stress 

• Becoming unusually quiet or still when the bickering starts. 

• A sudden shift towards being overly helpful or withdrawn. 

• The appearance of physical symptoms like stomach aches or sleep problems. 

• Increased anxiety during daily transitions, such as bedtime or school drop-offs. 

These signals are rarely dramatic, but they are always telling. A child absorbs the emotional tone of their environment far more deeply than the specific words being spoken. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic ethos, preserving peace within the home is considered a profound act of mercy. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ consistently emphasised sukoon (tranquillity) as a hallmark of a blessed relationship. Even when faced with conflict, his chosen words were those that softened hearts; he never mocked, belittled, or left others without reassurance. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verses 21: 

‘…And designed between you love, tolerance and kindness… ‘

This verse is a timeless reminder that even during moments of friction, our primary responsibility is to preserve rahmah, which is a climate of profound care and mercy. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their women(family). ‘

Being the ‘best’ to one’s family includes the self-awareness to recognise when our tone is unsettling the youngest members of the household. By being emotionally present, self-aware, and quick to repair any rupture, we gift our child not just a calmer home, but also a more resilient heart.