Only one of us is emotionally present on a daily basis. How do I make sure our child does not grow up feeling disconnected from the other parent? 

Parenting Perspective 

Protecting the Emotional Tie 

Emotional presence is more than simply physical contact; it is about showing up in ways that make the child feel seen, heard, and cherished. When one parent is emotionally present while the other is distant or absent (due to personality, busyness, or disinterest), the child may internalise the difference as rejection, indifference, or a lack of value. The idea is to protect the emotional tie until it becomes stronger, rather than just increasing the visibility of the absent parent. 

Practical Steps for Connection 

First, do not speak critically or dismissively about the absent parent in front of the child. This merely increases the emotional gap. Instead, emphasise the parent’s intentions, strengths, or efforts, no matter how minor they are. Say things like: Baba works long hours, but he always asks about you, or Mum packed this because she knows you love it. Next, establish regular points of communication, even if brief. A nightly video chat, a voice message before school, or a shared weekly routine (such as reading Quran together or heading to the masjid) might help to establish a relationship over time. Consistency and honesty are more crucial than frequency. 

Fostering Shared Responsibility 

Also, if you are the emotionally present parent, avoid being the sole emotional provider. Include the other parent in decisions and celebrations. Invite them to engage in feedback, incentives, and discipline, rather than just logistics. It is not about replacing what they are not, but about bringing them in gradually. 

Spiritual Insight 

Every child is a trust (Amanah), and trust necessitates presence, not just physically, but also emotionally. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), Verse 72: 

“Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) presented (other species) within the layers of trans-universal existence and the Earth and the mountains to be entrusted (with discretion in their actions); so they refused to bear (the weight of that discretion); and feared (the consequences) from (making the wrong choices); but mankind chose to bear (the burden of such discretion); indeed, (as it turned out some of mankind) became unjust and ignorant (in making those choices). “

The verse reminds us that embracing the responsibility of a child entails accepting a divine trust, which should not be taken lightly or passively. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2343, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“And begin (the giving) with your dependents, and the upper hand (giving) is better than the lower hand (receiving).” 

Even though this Hadith is frequently cited in relation to financial giving, it also bears significance in terms of emotional responsibility. The invitation to begin with people in your care serves as a reminder that attention, affection, and presence must come first at home. A parent who prioritises others over their child is misallocating trust. To ensure that your child feels safeguarded by the spirit of trust, rather than merely the structure of the home, it is crucial to intentionally cultivate emotional connection, even when one parent is less accessible.