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One of us works late or travels often, so the parenting load falls mostly on the other. How do we agree on fair roles while still meeting our child’s needs? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Challenge of Imbalanced Roles 

When one parent is frequently absent due to work or travel, the responsibility for daily parenting, including planning, discipline, emotional labour, and routines, frequently falls on the other parent. Over time, this might lead to burnout in one parent and disconnection in the other. It also risks moulding the child’s notion that one parent is the parent and the other is merely a visitor. 

Redefining Fairness 

Fairness does not mean splitting every task down the middle. It entails recognising effort, acknowledging limitations, and establishing a dynamic in which both parents contribute meaningfully and sustainably. If one parent is unable to be physically there during the week, they must prioritise emotional presence in the time they do have, whether through quality conversation, learning routines, or taking the lead on weekend duties. 

Practical Strategies for Teamwork 

Incorporate tools such as shared calendars, weekly check-ins, or task swaps, in which the travelling parent assumes responsibility for Salah supervision, school forms, or bedtime readings through audio notes or brief calls. Allow the working parent to begin their presence rather than simply providing it. At the same time, the parent manning the daily fort must feel seen. Resentment builds when effort goes unnoticed. Expressing gratitude should be consistent and verbal, such as: I am aware that you are burdened with a great deal of responsibility when I am absent. I want us to figure out how to keep it fair and supportive. Most importantly, involve your child in the concept of teamwork. Say things like: We are both your parents, and we both want what is best for you. Sometimes we divide roles, but we are always on the same team. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, justice includes a balance of responsibilities. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 32: 

For the men is a share of what they have earnt (through their hard work), and for the women, is a share of what they have earnt (through their hard work); and (if you wish for more) ask Allah (Almighty) from His benefactions (to give you more); indeed, Allah (Almighty) is Omniscient over everything.” 

This verse reminds us that while efforts are measured individually, they must also be appreciated collectively. Fairness in parenting does not imply doing the same thing; rather, it entails performing the same responsibility: raising a healthy, grounded child. It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 1692, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

It is sufficient sin for a man that he neglects him whom he maintains. 

This Hadith offers a sharp reminder that absence must not become neglect. When roles are uneven, they must be deliberate, not passive. A parent cannot outsource presence. Despite this, balance can be achieved by honesty, teamwork, and a shared dedication to the child’s well-being. 

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