My in-laws openly criticise how I parent, and my child hears every word. How do I handle this without fuelling resentment or shame in the household? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child witnesses others criticise your parenting, particularly respected figures such as grandparents, it undermines their confidence in your authority and disorients their emotional allegiance. They may not be able to articulate it, but they sense the tension and frequently internalise shame, anxiety, or the belief that one parent is ‘wrong’ or ‘lesser’. If left unchecked, this dynamic can erode your confidence and alter your child’s feeling of safety, respect, and relationship loyalty. 

The goal is not to retaliate, but to regain emotional clarity. First, avoid making rebuttals in front of your child. Calmly end the moment with something like, “Let us discuss this privately later.” Then, when alone, speak to your in-laws respectfully but firmly: “I know we may parent differently, but when criticism happens in front of my child, it affects their sense of stability. I am suggesting that we discuss our differences away from them. Meanwhile, discreetly comfort your child: “Although grownups may differ, you are being reared with love and care. That is what counts the most.” This manner, you protect your child from emotional triangulation while also demonstrating dignity and self-control. Your parental voice does not have to be louder. It needs to be more stable. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, words carry weight, especially at home. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ emphasised the importance of speaking with dignity to maintain love and confidence. He never used his position to criticise others, even while rectifying faults. Criticism in front of children is not just wrong; it also harms the very relationships we are sworn to safeguard. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…and do not insult each other; and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames….’ 

This verse instructs us to maintain emotional dignity, particularly in families. Disagreement does not merit public shaming, particularly in front of impressionable children. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6136, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent. ‘

Silence, when used effectively, is not avoidance. It provides protection. By responding with calm limits and private discipline, you protect not just your dignity, but also your child’s emotional safety. You are not fostering resentment. You are eliminating evil with grace.