My husband was raised without affection. How do I help him learn to show love to our child? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding the Challenge 

When a parent has not experienced affection in their own upbringing, showing love might be awkward, even uncomfortable. Despite the best intentions of the parent, this gap may result in a child feeling depleted of affection, even if the parent did not anticipate it. 

A Strategy of Gentle Invitation 

The way forward is through patience, mentoring, and progressive exposure. Begin by providing tiny, achievable actions such as a quick hug after school, reading a single verse of the noble Quran before bedtime, or offering a gentle reassurance, I believe in you. Over time, these simple moments strengthen confidence and emotional connection. Incorporate warmth into the habits your husband already follows. If he prays with the family, encourage him to make a little Dua for the child at the end. If he assists with meals, train him to ask about their day. Guided presence is more important than perfect delivery. Praise his efforts quietly and respectfully. Acknowledge growth: When you asked her about her exam, I saw how much that meant to her. These reflections demonstrate to the child that love is being conveyed, while also assuring your husband that he is learning warmth rightfully. Consistent gentle effort can eventually transform emotional distance into relationship comfort for everyone. 

Spiritual Insight 

Love and mercy are central to the Islamic family culture. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ prioritised compassion and emotional care when raising children, rather than strict restrictions. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 74: 

“And those people that say: O our Sustainer, Grant to us (those circumstances that) makes our spouses and our offspring, a comfort for our eyes; and make us from those that have attained piety, and a role model. “

The verse underlines that affection within a family is both an aspiration and a symbol of faith. When parents pray for mercy with their children, they combine emotional connection and spiritual purpose. It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3665, that some Bedouin people came to the Prophet ﷺ and asked, ‘Do you kiss your children?’. He replied, ‘Yes’. When they said they did not, the Prophet ﷺ said: 

“What can I do if Allah Almighty has taken away mercy from you?” 

This Hadith tells us that friendly action, even if it is unfamiliar, is a manifestation of mercy, which is important to faith. Encouraging your husband to engage in small gestures of closeness is not emotional indulgence; rather, it represents the prophetic approach.