My child spends more time in their room when I am busy on devices, how do I gently draw them back? 

Parenting Perspective 

Create Invitations, Not Instructions 

When a child retreats to their room while you are busy, it is often a quiet signal that they feel overlooked. Rather than calling out with an instruction like, ‘Come out of your room’, try creating gentle, low-pressure invitations. Something as simple as, ‘I am about to make some tea, would you like a cup?’ or, ‘I am going for a quick walk, feel free to join me’, can be very effective. The tone should always be that of an open door, not a demand. 

Make Your Presence Feel Welcoming 

When you are available to them, be intentional about making your presence feel warm and welcoming. Greet them with a smile and offer physical closeness, like a hug or simply sitting near them for a moment. Crucially, avoid having a device in your hand at these times. This combination of physical and emotional availability sends the message that your home is a place for a shared life, not just a shared space. 

Respect Their Need for Space While Staying Connected 

After a period of feeling disconnected, a child may need some time before they are ready to fully re-engage. It is important to respect their need for space. You can still show you care through small, consistent gestures that do not demand a response. Leaving their favourite snack on the side or slipping a kind note under their door are beautiful ways to remind them that you are thinking of them without applying any pressure. 

The goal is to make your presence feel so safe, warm, and inviting that it is something they naturally want to return to, rather than something they feel they are being pulled towards. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic faith teaches us that maintaining unity within the family is a source of strength, and that believers should respond to one another’s needs with compassion and care. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verse 46: 

‘And obey Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ), and do not dispute (with each other) as it may weaken (your ranks), and would reduce your strength, and show resilience; indeed, Allah (Almighty) it is with those people who are resilient…‘ 

This powerful verse warns against internal disputes, as they lead to a loss of strength and courage. This principle is deeply applicable to the family unit. When a member withdraws, it is a sign of a division that needs to be mended with patience to restore the family’s collective strength. 

It is recorded in Riyad Al Saliheen, Hadith 224, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion, and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever.’ 

This beautiful analogy teaches us to be responsive to one another’s pain. Just as the Prophet ﷺ described, when one member of the family unit withdraws or feels disconnected, it is a call for the rest of the family to respond with warmth, patience, and gentle invitations back into the fold.