My child shows arrogance or talks boastfully. How do I teach humility without breaking their confidence? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding the Behaviour 

When a child begins to speak arrogantly or boast about their accomplishments, it might be concerning, especially if you are attempting to raise them with humility and gratitude. However, the purpose is not to silence or shame them. Children frequently display pride before completely understanding modesty. Your role is to guide them to humility while respecting their desire for affirmation. Begin by examining beneath the conduct. Is your child showing off because they are proud of a genuine accomplishment? Are they seeking approval? Or are they mimicking someone around them? Understanding the source allows you to make more informed corrections. 

A Strategy for Gentle Guidance 

If they are enthusiastic about anything, start by acknowledging it: Yes, you did very well in that! Then gently steer: It is great to be good at stuff. But it is also necessary to be kind and make people feel proud. Avoid using phrases like Stop bragging or That is so arrogant, which can undermine their self-esteem. Instead, train children to exhibit thankfulness and confidence. For example, teach children to say, Alhamdulillah, I am happy I did well, rather than I was the best. Demonstrate humility yourself. Children replicate what they observe. When you speak modestly about your own strengths or thank others warmly, people learn to wear pride with grace. Also, express praise in a way that recognises work and character rather than just results. Say I loved how focused you were, rather than You are the smartest. This promotes quiet confidence based on values rather than comparisons. If your child brags in front of others, pull them aside later and ask, How do you think that made others feel? It is acceptable to be proud, but let us strive to be courteous in our comments. You are not diminishing their brightness; you are shaping their personality. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, humility does not imply weakness. It is a sign of spiritual strength to understand that all good originates from Allah Almighty. True confidence comes with thanks and grace, not superiority. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 18: 

“And do not turn your face away from people in arrogance, nor walk upon the earth proudly. Indeed, Allah does not like the arrogant and boastful.” 

This verse tells us that arrogance in word and attitude is unacceptable, even if the accomplishments are genuine. Humility draws us closer to Allah and others. It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 59, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“No one will enter Paradise who has even a mustard-seed’s weight of arrogance in his heart.” 

He valued confidence based on truth and intention. The problem is not pride in kindness, but pride that denigrates others. By gently correcting boastfulness and promoting gratitude, you educate your child that power comes not from being superior to others, but from being genuine, grounded, and grateful. This fosters confidence that uplifts rather than overshadows – a characteristic appreciated by Allah Almighty.