My child sees my in-laws override my parenting decisions, and I stay silent to avoid conflict. Am I teaching my child that my voice does not matter? 

Parenting Perspective 

Indeed, your child perceives that your voice is secondary when it is repeatedly silenced in the face of being overridden. Children are not just seeing the outcome of parental decisions. They are taking in the power dynamics that are going on behind them, such as who is heard, who takes a step back, and who sets the tone. When they watch you regularly defer to your in-laws, especially at the expense of your personal limits, they may begin to internalise the notion that maintaining peace necessitates sacrificing self-esteem. 

The idea is not to confront harshly, but to assert gently and visibly. Even a minor modification, such as calmly restating your initial limit in front of your child, conveys that your actions are based on caring rather than defiance. You might reply by saying, “I appreciate the suggestion, but I want to stick with what we agreed for bedtime.” No snark, no escalation, just calm resolve. Over time, your child realises that respect and firmness may coexist. And if you need to have private discussions with your husband or in-laws, do it out of earshot yet do not raise your child to believe that parenting power lies solely in silence. It lies in consistency. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam does not equate peacekeeping with self-erasure. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ had a gentle approach to the vulnerable, yet was strict on justice and duty. He respected elders while emphasising the importance of individual rights, particularly within one’s own household. As a parent, you bear responsibility for your child’s emotional and moral well-being. That trust is sacred, and keeping it is not arrogance, but Amana. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), Verse 72: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) presented (other species) within the layers of trans-universal existence and the Earth and the mountains to be entrusted (with discretion in their actions); so they refused to bear (the weight of that discretion) … but mankind chose to bear (the burden of such discretion); indeed, (as it turned out some of mankind) became unjust and ignorant (in making those choices).’ 

This verse reminds us that the position of a parent is a divine trust that should not be abandoned under duress, even for family harmony. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2548, that a man asked the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, “Who is most deserving of my good companionship?” He ﷺ replied: 

‘Your mother. ‘

The man asked three times, ‘Then who?’, and each time the Prophet ﷺ replied: 

‘Your mother. ‘

When asked a fourth time, he replied: 

‘Your father. ‘

This repetitive statement was not only about kindness. It was all about authority, worth, and status. A mother or any parent who loves, sacrifices, and protects should never have to hide. Your child will not learn solely from how you parent them. They will learn from how you protect your right to parent at all.