My child says, ‘You are always on your phone.’ How should I respond? 

Parenting Perspective 

Hearing those words from your child can certainly sting, but it is also a precious opportunity to reflect and repair. Their observation is rarely just a complaint; more often, it is a heartfelt request for more of your undivided attention. Responding with defensiveness will likely close the door to connection, while responding with honesty and action can strengthen your trust immeasurably. 

Pause and Listen Without Defensiveness 

Your first instinct might be to justify your phone use, but it is crucial to resist this urge. Instead, pause, put your phone down, and listen fully. You could say, ‘Thank you for telling me that. I hear you. Can you tell me more about when you feel that way?’ This shows them that their perspective is valuable and safe with you, which is a profound act of respect. 

Acknowledge the Truth in Their Observation 

Instead of listing all the reasons why you ‘need’ to be on your phone, try to find the truth in their statement and acknowledge it with humility. A simple, ‘You know what? You are right. I have been on my phone a lot lately, and I am sorry if that made you feel ignored,’ can instantly disarm the situation and models the powerful lesson that adults can make mistakes and admit them. 

Share Your Plan to Change 

Follow your acknowledgement with a concrete plan of action. Explain to them the specific times when you will now commit to putting your phone away, such as during mealtimes, during the school run, or for the first hour after you get home. When you follow through consistently, you show them that their words have a positive impact and that their feelings matter. 

Make It a Shared Family Goal 

You can even invite them into the process of creating a solution. You could agree on a ‘phone basket’ where everyone puts their devices during family time, or a fun code word the child can use if they feel you are getting distracted. This turns the issue into a shared family challenge, rather than a point of conflict between you. 

By treating your child’s comment as valuable feedback, you show that you are willing to adjust your own habits for the sake of your relationship, which will make them far more receptive to your guidance in the future. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages humility and the ability to listen with an open heart when we are corrected, even by those who are younger than us. This is a sign of true wisdom and strength of character. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 38: 

‘And those people that respond to (the (commandments of) their Sustainer, and establish prayer, and conduct their affairs between each other through consultation, and spend (generously) from the sustenance We have provided them…’ 

This verse reminds us that mutual consultation and valuing the voices of others, even within our own families, is a praiseworthy characteristic of a believer. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 91a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘No one who has an atom’s weight of pride in his heart will enter Paradise.’ 

This profound hadith teaches us that pride can be a barrier to our salvation, preventing us from accepting valid and sincere reminders, no matter who they come from. By accepting your child’s observation with grace and taking sincere steps to act upon it, you not only improve your bond but also model the beautiful Islamic values of humility and openness qualities your child will carry into their own relationships.