Parenting Perspective 

It can be deeply frustrating when a child stubbornly refuses to apologise, particularly when their mistake is clear. However, forcing an apology often cultivates resentment instead of genuine remorse. The objective is to guide them towards understanding the value of an apology, teaching them that accountability is an essential part of maintaining healthy relationships. 

Understanding a Child’s Reluctance to Apologise 

Children may resist apologising because they feel embarrassed, ashamed, or afraid of losing face. Sometimes, they may not genuinely comprehend how their actions have affected someone else. Recognising these underlying reasons allows you to respond with patience instead of frustration. 

Fostering a Space for Reflection 

Rather than demanding an immediate apology, it is better to provide your child with time and space to calm down. Later, you can gently ask reflective questions, such as, ‘How do you think your sister felt when that happened?’ or ‘How would you feel if someone did that to you?’ This process of reflection helps to build empathy, which is the natural foundation for a sincere apology. 

Emphasising Accountability 

It is important to explain clearly that we all make mistakes and that saying sorry is the way we begin to mend them. You can say, ‘If you choose not to apologise, the hurt feeling stays’. This helps your child to see that an apology is an act of responsibility and kindness, not a form of punishment. 

Guiding Small Acts of Amends 

If your child continues to refuse, guide them towards another small act of repair, such as a kind gesture, sharing a toy, or drawing a picture for the other person. Often, once the initial tension has eased, a child becomes more willing to offer a sincere verbal apology. 

By avoiding power struggles and instead focusing on empathy, reflection, and responsibility, you teach your child that apologies are important not merely because a parent demands them, but because our relationships depend on them. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, accountability and humility are central pillars of a good character. A refusal to apologise when at fault contradicts these fundamental values, as believers are consistently encouraged to acknowledge their mistakes and seek reconciliation. 

Quranic Guidance on Reconciliation 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

This verse reminds us that mending relationships is a duty, and the humility required to seek reconciliation is what opens the door to receiving the mercy of Allah Almighty. 

Prophetic Wisdom on Humility 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, 2588, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Charity does not decrease wealth, no one forgives another except that Allah increases his honour, and no one humbles himself for the sake of Allah except that Allah raises his status.’ 

This hadith teaches that humility does not diminish a person’s standing; rather, admitting mistakes for the sake of Allah elevates our status in His sight. 

By teaching your child that apologising is an act of humility that brings honour, not weakness, you align their character with core Islamic values. They learn that while refusing to apologise might feel powerful in the moment, true strength is found in softening one’s heart, making amends, and restoring peace between people.