My child often says, ‘You are not listening,’ when I am on my phone. How can I repair trust in those moments? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child says, “You are not listening,” they are sharing a feeling that goes deeper than simple frustration. They are communicating that they feel unseen and unimportant. The most immediate way to begin repairing that trust is to pause, put your phone down completely, and make eye contact. Acknowledge their feelings immediately with a simple, honest response like, “You are right, I was distracted. You have my full attention now.” This act of humility shows your child that their voice matters more to you than any digital notification. 

Taking Responsibility Without Overexplaining 

Resist the urge to justify your distraction with long explanations about why you were on your phone. For your child, the reason is less important than the feeling of being ignored. In that moment, what truly matters is demonstrating that you care enough to stop and refocus your attention on them. 

Building Preventative Habits 

If you know that certain times of the day are particularly important for connection, such as after school or before bedtime, make a conscious effort to keep your phone out of reach. These small, predictable acts of presence are far more powerful for rebuilding trust than repeated apologies after the fact. 

Ultimately, trust is not restored with words alone, but through consistent, repeated actions that show your child they are your priority. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places immense value on the quality of listening, considering it a fundamental aspect of good character and a way of honouring others. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Qaaf (50), Verse 37: 

‘Indeed, in this there is a realisation for those who have a heart, and those who pay attention…’ 

This powerful verse teaches us that true listening is an act of the heart and mind, not just the ears. It requires our full, conscious presence. 

It is recorded in Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 684, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When a man speaks to you, turn to him with your whole body.’ 

This profound prophetic advice demonstrates that sincere listening is a physical act. It involves turning away from all other distractions to offer someone our complete, undivided attention as a sign of respect. 

By consistently showing your child that their words are worthy of this level of attention, you directly nurture the foundations of trust and emotional security in your relationship.