My child lights up when we show even small acts of affection. How can we build on this without being performative? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Power of Small, Sincere Gestures 

You can build on it by making affection part of your natural rhythm rather than a staged display. Children do not need grand gestures; instead, they value consistency, tone, and emotional availability. Even a simple smile or soft touch can light up your child’s face, indicating that they are emotionally attuned and looking for indications of connection. The idea is not to act, but to mean it, often and gently. 

Building a Warm Climate 

Begin with what seems authentic. A hand on the shoulder, a light laugh between you and your partner, or a fleeting compliment said aloud are not acts. They are indicators of relationship safety. Children who witness affection between their parents develop the sense that relationships can be compassionate, stable, and emotionally safe. There is no need to exaggerate or act out of character. Instead, focus on little, sincere expressions that gradually build a warm climate. When you see your child’s eyes light up, remember that they are taking in every emotion. Even if it feels strange at first, small, consistent changes will result in a permanent emotional pattern. 

Spiritual Insight 

When genuine, affection is mercy made apparent rather than a form of performance. In Islam, gestures of love and tenderness between couples are not considered private. They are part of the emotional scaffolding of the home. Children who witness their parents’ mutual generosity do more than just watch; they absorb it. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 21: 

‘…And designed between you loving tolerance and kindness…’ 

The divine placing of Mawaddah (affection) is not speculative. It is intended to be lived in words, tones, and acts, so that the home environment reflects the mercy of Allah Almighty Himself. It is also recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 5124, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When a man loves his brother, he should tell him that he loves him. ‘

This Hadith tells us that love is not supposed to be disguised. Even modest language utterances, when sincere, reveal prophetic qualities. For children, these tiny acts provide emotional security. They do not need perfection; they just need sincerity. Sincerity is never performative. It is prophetic. Let your child’s joy be your cue, not to perform, but to nourish.