My child is starting to copy the way their grandparents speak to me, sarcastic, dismissive. How do I gently correct this without humiliating anyone?

Parenting Perspective

Understanding the Imitation

The act of a child imitating dismissive or sarcastic speech from a grandparent is rarely motivated by malice; rather, it is a form of imitation. Children absorb tone and language like sponges, especially when it comes from figures they regard as caring or entertaining. However, when that tone is disrespectful, particularly towards a parent, it gradually undermines the emotional boundaries and mutual respect that families rely on. If left unchecked, your child may learn to link sarcasm with power and affection with condescension, both harmful tendencies.

A Strategy for Gentle Realignment

The purpose is not shame, but rather a gentle realignment. Begin by addressing your child personally and privately: “That kind of speech is not how we communicate in this household. It may sound like a joke, but it can hurt.” Use firm, warm tone, not guilt. Then, balance it with active modelling. Even when disciplining your child, maintain a consistent tone of respect and gentleness. If the behaviour persists, discuss quietly with the grandmother, if possible: “I know your intent is never harmful, but our child is starting to mimic some of the tone used, and I am trying to teach them more respectful ways of speaking.” You are not condemning; you are seeking partnership. This method preserves everyone’s dignity while safeguarding the emotional environment in which your child is growing.

Spiritual Insight

Islam says that adab (refined character) begins at home, in the way we speak, respond, and demonstrate respect. The Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never used sarcasm, demeaning, or dismissive language, even when joking. He recognised that children not only absorb what adults say, but also the manner in which it is delivered. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 19:

‘And be modest in your attitude and lower your voice (in dealing with people); as indeed, the harshest of all sounds, is the noise of the donkeys.’

This verse was part of Luqman’s admonition to his son, teaching him that tone and way of speech are extremely important in one’s conduct. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1977, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘The believer does not insult others, does not curse others, is not vulgar, and is not shameless.‘

Correcting your child without degrading others exemplifies this prophetic balance: firmness without harshness, dignity without offence. Your child will acquire the understanding that genuine strength is not found in derision or dominance, but in calm, conscious behaviour, as they observe you maintain that stance, even in the face of hardship.