My child asked me why I never say ‘I love you’ to their father. I froze. How do I respond without making it awkward or emotional for them? 

Parenting Perspective 

A Window into Your Child’s Perception 

When a child poses a question as direct and emotionally charged as “Do you even love each other?” it should not be dismissed as a casual remark. This type of question is like a mirror, reflecting not just what people see but also what they do not see. Children continuously interpret the emotional environment of their family. Even if the family is functional and pleasant, a child may come to doubt the presence of love if warmth, sensitivity, or shared joy are rarely demonstrated. 

Responding with Gentle Honesty 

You can answer calmly and honestly, turning it into an opportunity to teach rather than an emotional weight. Try saying something like, “That is a really thoughtful question. I love him, but I do not say it frequently. Maybe I should.” This keeps the tone light while still educating your child that love exists and that expressing it is helpful. Children are not only monitoring your behaviour; they are listening for affirmation. When something feels missing, they notice. The absence of love remarks does not indicate that you are failing as a parent or spouse. But for a child, it may raise quiet questions about whether love must always stay silent. That single instant when you froze is not a failure; it is a window. A time to consider: What emotional tone are we modelling? If verbal affection does not come naturally to you, that is fine. You do not have to perform. But the goal is not to force anything; rather, it is to make love visible in some way. Whether through words, smiles, gratitude, or gentleness, your child should sense emotional safety between their parents. They are learning not only how to love others, but also how to feel worthy of loving themselves. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, emotional expression, when done with sincerity and dignity, is not only acceptable but also good. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ publicly expressed love for his family. He praised them, spoke kindly to them, and never viewed affection as awkward or wrong. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 74: 

‘And those people that say: O our Sustainer, Grant to us (those circumstances that) makes our spouses and our offspring, a comfort for our eyes; and make us from those that have attained piety, and a role model.’ 

This verse asks not only for love, but also for apparent peace and joy between spouses, which a child may see and feel safe with. It is also recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 5124, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When a man loves his brother, he should tell him that he loves him. ‘

If this was the guidance for brothers in faith, how much more so for spouses raising a family together? Unspoken love can still exist, but spoken love softens hearts, restores warmth, and teaches children that tenderness is not weakness. It is prophetic strength. By responding to your child with truth and slowly bringing warmth into the emotional tone of your home, you are not just answering a moment of awkwardness. You are giving your child a lifelong message: love is not meant to hide in silence.