Parenting Perspective 

When a child will only apologise in exchange for a reward, the act loses its sincerity and becomes purely transactional. This teaches them that repairing relationships is about what they can gain, rather than about the intrinsic value of kindness and responsibility. The goal is to shift their motivation for apologising away from bribery and towards genuine empathy. 

Understanding Why Bribes Are Ineffective 

While bribes may achieve quick compliance, they fail to build a child’s internal motivation. Instead, they teach children to withhold an apology until they are ‘paid’ for it. Over time, this practice weakens their natural sense of accountability and remorse. 

Framing Apology as a Value, Not a Transaction 

Explain to your child, ‘Saying sorry is not about getting something in return. It is about making someone else feel better and fixing what went wrong.’ This helps to change their understanding of an apology from an act that brings an external reward to one of internal responsibility. 

Using Natural Consequences Instead of Bribes 

Instead of offering a sweet or a toy, connect the apology to the relationship itself. For example, you could say, ‘Until you have made things right with your sister, you cannot join in the game we are playing.’ Using natural consequences ties the apology to restoring peace, not to receiving a prize. 

Focusing on Praise and Emotional Rewards 

When your child offers a sincere apology without prompting, highlight the positive emotional outcome. You could ask, ‘Did you see how your friend smiled after you said sorry? That feeling is the best reward.’ This teaches them over time that the positive feeling of empathy is more rewarding than any bribe. 

By removing bribery from the process and focusing on natural connection and emotional intelligence, you help your child to rediscover the sincerity of an apology. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, sincerity (ikhlas) is the essence of every good deed. An apology that is offered for personal gain holds little spiritual value, whereas one that is given to please Allah Almighty and heal the hearts of others carries immense honour. 

Quranic Guidance on Sincere Intentions 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Bayyinah (98), Verse 5: 

‘And they were not commanded to worship anyone except Allah (Almighty); become sincere (in following) the pathway of life (compliant with existential nature as created by Allah Almighty)…’ 

This verse serves as a reminder that all our actions are ultimately judged by their sincerity, not by what we might receive in return for them. 

Prophetic Wisdom on Pure Actions 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 3140, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah does not accept any deed except that which is purely for Him and seeking His Face.’ 

This hadith teaches that only sincere actions, free from the taint of worldly bargaining, find true acceptance with Allah Almighty. 

By connecting the act of apology to the Islamic principle of sincerity, you help your child to understand that making amends is not a transaction but an act of humility beloved by Allah Almighty. They learn that the real ‘reward’ for an apology is not a temporary treat, but stronger relationships, inner peace, and lasting blessings in this life and the Hereafter.