Parenting Perspective 

When a child repeatedly mentions a past hurt, even after accepting an apology, it often signifies that they have not yet fully processed their feelings. Closure is not about pretending the hurt never happened, but about teaching them how to move forward once forgiveness has been offered. Guiding your child towards closure helps them to build resilience and prevents grudges from taking root. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings While Guiding Closure 

It is important to acknowledge their pain by saying, ‘I know you were hurt, and that is why it keeps coming to your mind. But remember, you chose to forgive, and forgiveness means we try not to hold on to the pain.’ This approach validates their feelings while gently steering them toward letting go. 

Frame Closure as a Choice for Inner Peace 

Explain to your child, ‘When we forgive, we make a choice to put the hurt down so that we can feel lighter. If we keep picking it up again, it will continue to weigh on us.’ Using a simple analogy, such as carrying a heavy bag, can help them to understand that closure means setting the burden aside. 

Encourage Positive and Healing Actions 

Help your child to redirect their energy into repairing the relationship. You can encourage them to spend positive time with the person they have forgiven, whether by playing, talking, or doing something kind together. These actions help to create new, positive memories that can begin to replace the old, hurtful ones. 

Model the Act of Letting Go 

When you forgive someone, show your child that you do not keep reopening the wound. You can reinforce this by saying, ‘I have forgiven what happened, and that means I will not keep bringing it up.’ This consistency demonstrates to your child how closure is practised in real life. 

By showing your child that forgiveness must be followed by the act of letting go, you teach them to experience closure as an act of strength and emotional maturity. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that forgiveness is more than just words; it is an act of purifying the heart from resentment. To hold on to pain after forgiving someone contradicts the very spirit of true forgiveness. In Islam, closure means consciously choosing peace over holding a grudge. 

Quranic Guidance on True Forgiveness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Taghaabun (64), Verse 14: 

‘…But if you pardon and overlook (their faults) and forgive (them); then indeed, Allah (Almighty) is Forgiving and Merciful.’ 

This verse reminds us that true forgiveness should include ‘overlooking’ the fault, not just pardoning it with words. This is how the heart is truly cleansed of resentment. 

Prophetic Wisdom on Gentleness 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 3364, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘There are three things concerning which, if anyone has them, Allah will admit him to Paradise: one who is gentle with the weak, one who is merciful to his parents, and one who is kind to his servant and feeds him.’ 

This hadith teaches us that the qualities of gentleness and mercy, when practised sincerely in our relationships, are a means of drawing closer to Allah Almighty and earning His ultimate reward. 

By linking forgiveness to the mercy of Allah Almighty, you can show your child that closure is not about forgetting the hurt, but about choosing to release it for a higher purpose. They learn that forgiveness is only complete when they stop holding the past against someone, turning instead toward building stronger and kinder relationships in the future.