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My 3-year-old refuses to share and grabs toys from others. What does discipline look like at this age?

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding Toddler Possessiveness 

At the age of three, toddlers are still acquiring the emotional and social abilities required for sharing. What appears to be selfishness is often simply immaturity – children are learning ownership, impulse control, and how to cope with the uncomfortable sensation of wanting something that is not theirs. Discipline at this age should not be used to impose generosity, but rather to patiently teach limits, empathy, and turn-taking. 

A Strategy of Practice, Not Pressure 

When your child grabs a toy, say calmly but firmly, We do not take toys from others. You might beg for a turn or simply wait. If they do not return the toy, gently take it back and hand it to the other child, explaining, We are waiting for our turn. That is how we express kindness. The message should be brief, straightforward, and repeated frequently. Avoid calling your child ‘selfish’ or ‘bad’. Instead, view sharing as a learnt ability, not a moral failure. Praise progress: You waited your turn; that was respectful. At this age, the idea is not to force the child to share out of guilt, but to teach them that taking turns fosters friendship and trust. Use play to teach. Practise turn-taking games at home, narrating the behaviour: My turn, now your turn. Model generosity in your daily life by joyfully and gracefully sharing food or space to others. If conflict erupts in a group environment, gently remove your child for a minute to reset, not as a punishment, but as a teaching pause: You had a difficult time waiting. Let us take a break and try again soon. The key is not harshness or forced giving, but rather consistency and emotional modelling. At this age, children acquire discipline not through lectures, but rather through the repetitive responses they make to routine interactions. 

Spiritual Insight 

Generosity is a highly held concept in Islam, but it must be taught gradually. A child is not born with a sense of sacrifice; it develops when nurtured with justice rather than coercion. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashr (59), Verse 9: 

They give [others] preference over themselves, even though they are in need. 

This verse highlights the selfless charity of the companions of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ). However, this great moral character was created gradually via spiritual training and reinforcement. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1924, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

The merciful are shown mercy by Ar-Rahman. Be merciful on the earth, and you will be shown mercy from Who is above the heavens.” 

This Hadith reminds us that mercy is the lens through which we guide young children, not fear or force, but rather patience and compassion. You may cultivate empathy by gently redirecting, imitating good behaviour, and applauding even modest acts of patience or sharing. With time and practice, your child will understand that generosity is not about losing, but about becoming someone Allah loves. 

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