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Is quietness in a girl a concern or a norm?

Parenting Perspective

Quietness in a girl is not automatically a cause for concern. Many children, regardless of gender, are naturally reserved or introspective. They may prefer observing before participating, speaking after thinking, or expressing themselves through subtle gestures rather than loud voices. These tendencies are part of a valid personality style and should be seen as strengths when nurtured appropriately. Not every child needs to be outspoken to be emotionally healthy or socially engaged.
Instead of measuring a girl’s wellbeing solely by how much she talks, observe the quality of her interactions. Does she respond warmly to others? Does she show curiosity, kindness, and interest in her surroundings? Is she engaged in play, even if quietly? If the answer to these questions is yes, her quietness is likely a reflection of her nature rather than a sign of distress. Many thoughtful, creative, and deeply connected individuals begin life with a quiet temperament.
However, if quietness is accompanied by signs of anxiety, sadness, or withdrawal, such as avoiding eye contact, not wanting to play, or showing signs of distress when speaking, it may indicate something more than personality. In such cases, approach with gentle curiosity rather than alarm. Provide safe, low-pressure opportunities for her to express herself, such as drawing, storytelling, or one-to-one conversations during relaxed moments. Sometimes, all a child needs are time, trust, and the assurance that they are accepted as they are.

Spiritual Insight

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 12: ‘…Abstain as much as you can from cynical thinking (about one another); as some of that cynical thinking is a sin…’ This Verse is a powerful reminder to refrain from making assumptions without understanding. Just as suspicion in society leads to injustice, so too can assumptions about a quiet child led to misjudgement. Not every silence is a problem. Sometimes, it is simply a different way of being.

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 407, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ interacted with children in ways that honoured their individuality. He ﷺ did not demand the same level of expressiveness from every child. Instead, he recognised the beauty in diverse temperaments. He ﷺ showed patience with the timid, playfulness with the expressive, and warmth with the thoughtful. He ﷺ nurtured the inner world of every child without expecting conformity.

A quiet girl may possess a deep well of wisdom, sensitivity, and observation. Her silence may be a space in which ideas and emotions are forming with care. Rather than trying to change her, walk beside her. Give her the confidence that her voice is valued, whenever and however she chooses to share it. This respectful nurturing reflects the spiritual balance of Islam, where character is measured by depth, not volume, and hearts are cultivated with gentleness, not force.


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