Is It Wrong to Prioritise Survival Over Connection? 

Parenting Perspective 

Prioritising survival is not a failure of connection. It is often the condition that makes reconnection possible later. 

When life becomes tough, whether through grief, financial stress, illness, burnout, or a storm of responsibilities, you may find yourself shifting from warmth to function. You get through the day, keep everyone fed. You meet the basics, but with less softness, less presence, less patience. And then, often at night, the guilt enters asking you: Did I show up enough? Did they feel loved today, or just managed? 

Survival mode is not a moral weakness but it is an emergency response. And just like a home switch to emergency lighting during a blackout, your parenting shifts temporarily, not because love has vanished, but because energy has reduced.

 

Replacing Guilt with Clarity 

Rather than asking, ‘Is this wrong?’, ask: 

• Am I aware that this is a hard season? 

• Am I communicating that to my child, even briefly? 

• Am I creating small windows to reconnect, even if not perfectly? 

• Am I showing them that this version of me is temporary, not distant by choice? 

If the answer to most of those is yes, then you are already doing the repair. You are already teaching your child one of the greatest emotional skills: how to live through hard times with honesty and heart. 

What Reconnection Can Look Like, Without Pressure 

During these stretched seasons, try these subtle ways to protect the thread of connection without overwhelming yourself: 

Name it simply: ‘

Today has been really busy and I might be quieter than usual, but I love you just the same.’ 

Offer touch, even if words are few:

A hand on their back, a kiss on the head, a shared blanket during screen time, connection does not always need conversation. 

Anchor with predictability:

If you cannot do much, let one small ritual remain unchanged, bedtime story, shared tea, quick check-in. Familiarity creates safety. 

Allow re-entry:

When the crisis passes, even slightly, tell your child, ‘I missed being more present. I am glad to be here again.’ That moment will matter more than anything you missed before. 

Spiritual Insight 

Our faith does not expect us to stay in the same emotional state across all the time. In fact, it recognises the natural ebb and flow of strength, emotional, spiritual, physical. 

The Divine Reassurance of Ease 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Inshirah (94), verses 5–6: 

“Thus with (every) hardship there is facilitation (from Allah Almighty). Indeed, with (every) hardship there is facilitation (from Allah Almighty).” 

This divine reassurance does not scold the one in hardship. It simply promises that the pain is never permanent, and nor is the disconnection it may cause. 

The Prophetic Model: Your Struggle is Seen 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammadﷺsaid: 

“There is no fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for it.”  

[Sahih al-Bukhari, 5645] 

Even the emotional flattening you feel in survival mode is seen. The distance you try to bridge with small acts is counted. At the time when you cannot be the most loving version of yourself, your intention to return still draws reward. 

So it shows that you are not wrong. You are facing tough time with the help of quiet strength. The connection you fear losing is still there, tucked inside your care, waiting to bloom again when the time softens.