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Is it normal for my child to forget what happened after a meltdown?

Parenting Perspective

It is quite common for children, especially those younger than seven, to not remember events that occurred during or after a meltdown. When a child has a tantrum, their brain experiences a surge of strong emotions that can be too much to handle. In these situations, the ability to form and process memories is restricted. What a parent may find memorable can be a complete void for the child. This does not show a lack of responsibility or a desire to escape; instead, it highlights the child’s developing brain and emotional skills.

Rather than pressuring the child to remember every detail, prioritise restoring a sense of calm and providing gentle feedback. Once the child has had some time to rest, you can approach the situation again using clear and encouraging language. For example, ‘You seemed quite distressed earlier.’ In the future, let us communicate with someone using words. The aim is not to compel recall, but to foster comprehension. With time, regular routines and reflections after tantrums will assist your child in developing stronger emotional connections and better self-control.

Spiritual Insight

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Insaan (76), Verse 2: ‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) created mankind; from a drop of semen mixed (with other fluids); so that We may assess him (in his later life); then we made for him (the faculties) of hearing and seeing.’
This verse highlights our human nature, which is inherently limited yet always evolving. A child experiencing a meltdown and then moving on is not a sign of failure; rather, it is a natural part of the growth and learning process that has been set in place by a higher power.

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1705, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated:
‘Indeed each of you is a shepherd and all of you will be questioned regarding your flock.’ Parents guide not with flawless recollection or conduct, but in fostering a child’s lasting emotional and spiritual growth. Use the moment of forgetfulness during a meltdown as a chance to respond with kindness instead of criticism. Instruct by demonstrating a calm demeanour, understanding that emotions are often felt more deeply than words are recalled. In this manner, parenting transforms into an ongoing expression of kindness and faith in Allah Almighty’s plan.

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