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Is it better to talk about a tantrum right away or wait until later?

Parenting Perspective

In instances where a child exhibits a tantrum, it is important to recognise that their nervous system may be in a state of overwhelm, thereby impairing their capacity to listen and engage in reflective thought. Engaging in conversation immediately during or right after the incident may exacerbate their distress, as children typically require a period to restore their composure and emotional regulation. A brief waiting period facilitates the child’s adjustment, thereby enhancing their capacity to listen, comprehend, and acquire knowledge more effectively. This delay provides the parent with an opportunity to address the situation with a level-headed approach, rather than responding out of exhaustion or irritation. It is imperative that the opportunity for substantive dialogue is not unduly postponed, as children may rapidly lose recollection of the event or the educational takeaway. It is advisable to address the tantrum at another time specifically when the child has regained composure and is more receptive to discussion. It is essential to refrain from delivering a lecture; rather, one should communicate in straightforward and unambiguous language that facilitates the child’s comprehension of the situation and provides guidance on managing similar emotions in the future.

Spiritual Insight

In the noble Quran, Allah Almighty describes the value of patience and calmness in times of difficulty. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 200: ‘O you who are believers, be patient, and be resilient, and be constant, and attain piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may be successful.’ This verse highlights that being patient, particularly in emotional circumstances, leads to lasting advantages. In the same way, waiting to make a correction until things have settled down shows patience and good judgement.

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3971, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: ‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him say something good, or else remain silent.’ Dealing with a tantrum is not about asserting power, but rather about showing compassion and maintaining composure. Delaying the conversation until both the parent and child are calm promotes respectful dialogue and follows the example of gentle guidance found in the Prophetic model. Communicating with kindness later on helps build the child’s trust in their parent and demonstrates emotional intelligence influenced by faith.

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