I want to raise a confident daughter, but I often criticise myself in front of her. Could this harm her self-esteem? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children learn more from what we do than from what we say. When a mother constantly criticises her own appearance, decisions, or abilities, her daughter may internalise the lesson that a woman’s worth is conditional and that self-criticism is normal. To counter this, it is vital to consciously model self-compassion. 

Model Self-Compassion After Mistakes 

When you make a mistake, gently reframe your self-talk out loud. Instead of saying, ‘I am so silly, I burnt the rice!’, you can model a growth mindset by saying, ‘Oops, the rice burnt. That is okay, mistakes are for learning. I will try a different way next time’. This teaches your daughter that setbacks are opportunities for growth, not signs of failure. 

Use Reflective, Not Critical, Language 

When you are unhappy with something, focus on the behaviour, not your identity. Instead of criticising yourself, use reflective language. For example, ‘I wish I had used a calmer tone of voice just then. I will work on that’. This shows your daughter that accountability and self-improvement are positive traits that do not require self-degradation. 

Be Emotionally Honest, Not Negative 

It is healthy to be honest about your feelings, but there is a difference between honesty and negativity. You can say, ‘I am feeling a little down today, but I would love a hug from you to help me feel better’. This models emotional awareness and shows that reaching out for connection is a sign of strength, without burdening her with your self-doubt. 

By consciously choosing to speak to and about yourself with kindness, you provide your daughter with the most powerful blueprint for her own inner voice. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that self-kindness is a vital part of faith. A believer’s self-reflection should be rooted in hope for Allah’s mercy, not in harsh self-reproach. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Az Zumar (39), Verse 53: 

‘Say, ‘O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.’‘ 

This is one of the most hopeful verses in the Quran. It teaches us that if Allah’s mercy is vast enough to forgive all our sins against Him, then we must also learn to show mercy to ourselves when we make mistakes. Modelling this self-forgiveness is a profound spiritual lesson for a child. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught us that our bodies have rights over us, which includes the right to be treated with kindness. 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari, 5199, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you.‘ 

This right extends to our psychological and emotional selves. Our inner voice is a powerful force, and we have a duty to ensure it is not a source of constant harm. By treating yourself with compassion and speaking with gentle self-respect, you are not only fulfilling this right but also teaching your daughter how to honour the sacred trust of her own body and soul.