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I want my child to see that parenting is teamwork. How can we show that when our efforts are not equally visible? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Risk of Perceived Imbalance 

Children often base their perception of parenting on what they observe. If one parent is always involved in rituals, play, and correction while the other works, plans, or supports, the child may assume parenting is a one-person job. This can subtly alter respect and connection. Over time, the more noticeable parent may become overly reliant or even taken for granted, whereas the quieter one risks appearing distant or insignificant in the child’s eyes. 

Creating Visible Unity 

The solution is to create visible unity, even if your duties are not equally prominent. Discuss each other’s contributions in a natural, matter-of-fact manner. This does not require rehearsed praise, only awareness. A single sentence that connects the dots helps the child understand the larger context. Allow the absent parent to purposefully participate in visible moments whenever feasible, whether it is five minutes at bedtime, a short Dua before school, or sending a voice note from work. It is not about the time spent. It is about being felt. Most importantly, use a unified language. Say We agreed, Both of us think, or Your mum and I decided. This promotes a sense of coordinated care. When children realise that love, responsibility, and guidance come from both sides, even if expressed differently, they learn the value of collaboration. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty evaluates parenthood not on the basis of visibility, but rather on the basis of sincerity and trust. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aal-i-Imran (3), Verse 195: 

Then their Sustainer responded to them, (saying): Indeed, I shall not let the actions of any labourer amongst you go to waste, whether they are male or female, as some of you are from others (i.e. from the same human race)….” 

This verse affirms that all true efforts, whether visible or hidden, are preserved. Your child may not grasp the importance of silent sacrifices, but Allah Almighty does. That alone provides spiritual honour to quiet parenting roles. It is recorded in Sunan an-Nasa’i, Hadith 3687, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

Treat your children fairly, treat your children fairly.” 

This Hadith emphasises not only fairness among children, but also justice in parenting. When roles are unevenly distributed, fairness requires that children recognise both parents’ contributions. Speaking about each other’s work while remaining emotionally linked promotes fairness and harmony. This teaches the child that parenting is not about popularity or exposure, but about shared duty based on righteousness. 

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