I try to correct my child’s misbehaviour gently, but they are rude and dismissive in response. How do I stay composed when I feel disrespected? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few things are more painful for a parent than being met with rudeness, especially after offering a gentle correction. It can feel like a personal insult, triggering a desire to retaliate or punish more harshly simply to restore a sense of dignity. However, reacting from a place of hurt rarely cultivates long-term respect; instead, it can create a cycle of power struggles and emotional distance. 

Detaching from the Disrespect 

The first step is to separate your child’s behaviour from your own self-worth. Your child is not rejecting you as a person; they are likely resisting the discipline itself, feeling overwhelmed, or attempting to assert a measure of control. While this does not excuse their rudeness, reframing it this way makes it easier to respond with clarity rather than personal injury. 

Setting Calm Boundaries 

In the moment, avoid getting into a debate or defending your position. Maintain a calm but firm tone and use simple, direct language: ‘That tone of voice is not acceptable. We can try this again respectfully, or we can end this conversation for now’. It is crucial that you then follow through. Emotional escalation teaches a child that disrespect gains attention, whereas a calm boundary shows them that it leads to a loss of privileges or interaction. 

Children often test gentle parenting to see if it is firm or if it can be worn down. If your gentleness is consistent but always backed by non-negotiable action, it will earn their respect over time. Gentleness should not be confused with permissiveness. 

Reinforcing Respect 

After the moment has passed and things are calm, address the disrespect directly and without lingering emotion. You can say, ‘I will always listen to what you have to say, but I expect you to speak to me with respect’. Frame this not just as a family rule, but as a core value. Finally, prepare an internal script for the next time it happens. Reminding yourself, ‘This is a test of a boundary, not a personal attack’, can help you remain grounded. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, Adab—which encompasses good manners, courtesy, and excellent character—is a cornerstone of a child’s upbringing. This is taught most powerfully by example, especially when a parent is under pressure. To raise children who internalise respect, parents must model a higher standard of conduct themselves. 

Turning from Ignorance 

The Quran provides a powerful framework for discipline: encourage what is right, uphold your standards, and refuse to be drawn into an ignorant or disrespectful exchange. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Araf (7), Verse 199: 

‘Take what is given freely, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the ignorant.‘

The Strength of Gentleness 

This Hadith teaches that gentleness is not a weakness but a fundamental component of all goodness. When you maintain your composure in the face of disrespect, you are not surrendering; you are demonstrating spiritual strength and leadership. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4809, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who is deprived of gentleness is, in fact, deprived of all good.‘

By remaining firm in your principles without raising your voice, you teach your child that disrespect does not affect your dignity and that true authority is found in just conviction, not in emotional reactions.