I once scolded our child and my spouse immediately hugged them in front of me. Did that silently teach our child to avoid accountability? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, when one parent responds to a moment of discipline by immediately offering comfort, it can silently alter the emotional message the child receives. Instead of being given space to internalise the lesson, the child may interpret the immediate hug as a signal that they are a victim, rather than a participant in a learning process. While emotional comfort is vital, offering it too quickly or in direct opposition to a moment of correction can blur the line between support and rescue. Over time, this pattern can unintentionally teach a child to seek emotional escape instead of accountability. They may learn to associate discipline with division and look to one parent to shield them from the other, rather than seeing you both as a united, loving team. 

Balancing comfort and correction 

Discipline and compassion are not opposites; they are two currents that must flow together. The key to navigating this is timing and alignment. If your spouse felt the child needed help to regulate their emotions after a scolding, a more constructive approach would be to first support your authority, perhaps by simply being a calm presence in the room. Comfort can then be offered once the lesson has had a moment to land. Afterwards, it is crucial to reconnect as a team. Sit with your child together, talk gently about what happened, and reinforce that both parents love them and are in agreement about the behaviour that needs to change. This teaches your child that while love is never withdrawn, neither is accountability. A child who experiences discipline and warmth coming from a unified front learns emotional maturity, not emotional escape. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic parenting encourages a balance between rahmah (mercy) and ‘adl (justice). To nurture a child’s soul, parents must learn when to be soft and when to be firm, and crucially, how to do so with unity. When one parent offers affection in a way that overrides the other’s firmness, it can unintentionally disrupt this vital balance. Even if this is done with love, it risks confusing a child’s understanding of fairness and behavioural expectations. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hadeed (57), Verses 25: 

‘…And We sent them accompanied with the Book (containing the absolute truth) and the Balance (of logic); so that mankind may establish itself with justice… ‘

This concept of a divine ‘Balance’ is not just for societal laws; it applies intimately within the home. Here, justice means understanding when a child needs loving correction and when they need mercy, without allowing one to cancel out the other. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4943, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not show mercy to our children is not one of us. ‘

This powerful hadith teaches the non-negotiable value of gentleness. At the same time, we know from his life that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also corrected children firmly when necessary, always doing so with love and wisdom. In these moments, your child is watching intently to learn how love and discipline can coexist. By aligning your responses, even when your emotional instincts differ, you demonstrate that true love does not shy away from truth, and true correction never abandons love. This harmony reflects the divine balance we are called to model in our homes: one that is just, merciful, and always united.