I once left the house after a fight and my child begged me not to go. How do I repair the fear that created? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child witnesses a parent walking out of the house in anger, particularly after a fight, it can create a profound fear of abandonment, even if the departure is only brief. Children are still developing their core sense of stability, and from their perspective, love is supposed to stay, especially when things are difficult. Seeing you leave triggers a cascade of helpless questions in their mind: “If something breaks, will it be fixed? If someone leaves, will they come back?” Even if you returned a short while later, that moment of departure can linger in their emotional memory, quietly planting seeds of anxiety about safety and connection. 

The process of repair begins not by trying to erase what happened, but by naming it with gentleness and taking responsibility. Sit with your child at a calm time and say something like, “I remember that day I left when we were upset, and I know it scared you. I am so sorry for that. I was feeling overwhelmed and I should have handled my big feelings differently. It was not your fault.” This direct reassurance is far more important than explaining the details of the argument. What your child needs to hear is that they were not the reason for your departure, that you are here now, and that big feelings can be managed without someone disappearing. For an older child, you could add, “I am still learning how to be better, because grown-ups are always growing too.” This simple, humble admission can help turn a frightening memory into a powerful lesson about emotional safety. 

What to Reaffirm After Emotional Abandonment 

• “I will always come back.” 

• “My leaving was not your fault. This was about my feelings, not you.” 

• “Even when I am upset with other things, you are never the cause of that hurt.” 

• “We are a family, and that means we stay, we talk, and we heal together.” 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, the concept of rahmah (mercy) within a relationship inherently includes presence, especially during emotional storms. The act of staying, holding space for difficult feelings, and returning with softness are all integral parts of the Prophetic model of love. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verses 1: 

‘… so seek piety from Allah (Almighty), and correct all matters (in the relationships) between yourselves … ‘

Amending and repairing relationships is presented here as a sacred act. This duty includes mending the ruptures that a child’s heart has witnessed, even if they witnessed them in silence. 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong is not the one who overcomes others by his strength, but the one who controls himself while in anger. ‘

By returning to your child with humility, acknowledging the fear you caused, and offering genuine emotional repair, you are doing more than just protecting their heart. You are modelling the true form of strength that Islam honours: the strength to pause, to return, and to restore what matters most.