I often make the hard parenting decisions alone. How can I rebuild a real sense of partnership with my spouse? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one parent carries the weight of decision-making alone, it can lead to burnout and a sense of disconnection. Rebuilding a partnership starts with a gentle and intentional invitation for your spouse to re-engage as a teammate. 

Initiate a Calm Conversation 

Choose a calm moment to open the discussion, framing it as a need for teamwork, not a criticism. You could say, ‘I feel like I have been handling some of these parenting decisions on my own lately, and I would love for us to be more of a team. Your perspective is really important to me’. 

Start with Small, Collaborative Decisions 

Instead of tackling a huge issue, begin with something small and specific, like agreeing on screen time rules for the upcoming weekend. Working together on one manageable decision helps to rebuild the habit of collaboration and fosters a sense of shared accomplishment. 

Create a System for Staying Aligned 

Establish a simple, low-pressure way to stay on the same page. This could be a brief, ten-minute check-in once a week to discuss any challenges or small wins. Acknowledging each other’s efforts is key. A simple, ‘Thank you for being so firm and calm about bedtime last night,’ reinforces your unity. 

Handle Disagreements in Private 

When you disagree on an approach, it is vital to present a united front to your child. Agree to pause the discussion in front of them with a calm phrase like, ‘Mummy and Daddy need to talk about this together, and we will let you know what we decide’. This protects your child from feeling caught in the middle and reinforces their sense of security. 

When your child consistently sees you operating as a respectful and united team, they learn to trust the family structure, and you both feel more supported in your roles. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam champions the principles of mutual consultation and mercy within a marriage, which are the cornerstones of a stable and spiritually grounded family. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Ash Shura (42), Verse 38: 

‘And those who have responded to their Lord and established prayer and whose affair is [determined by] consultation among themselves…‘ 

This verse establishes consultation (shura) as a defining feature of a believing community, starting with the family. It teaches us that parental leadership should be collaborative, not unilateral. When parents consult each other with respect, they are not just making better decisions; they are embodying a divine example. 

Compassion between partners is a prerequisite for receiving compassion from Allah. 

It is recorded in Jami at-Tirmidhi, 1924, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The merciful are shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on the earth and the One above the heavens will show mercy to you.‘ 

This hadith reminds us that showing mercy, patience, and understanding to a spouse who may be struggling to engage is a profound act of faith. By choosing consultation over conflict, you are not only rebuilding your partnership but are also inviting the mercy of Allah into your home and your relationship.