I do less around the house, and my spouse does most of the heavy lifting, I never meant to model that imbalance. How do I start participating more meaningfully without defensiveness? 

Parenting Perspective 

The fact that you realise this imbalance is a strong starting point. Children learn by observation, not intention. Even if you never intended to demonstrate unequal effort, your child is quietly absorbing what love, partnership, and fairness look like. And unless the screenplay is revised, they may play the same roles in their future relationships. To change the dynamic, start by stepping in, not out of guilt, but out of purpose. You may begin by saying, “I understand I have left too much on your plate lately. I want our child to grow up seeing both parents completely present.” Then do. Select tasks without being asked. Make meals, attend school events, or take the initiative on a chore you often dread. The more you act without defensiveness or explanation, the more normal it will feel – not only for you, but also for your child, who is quietly rewriting their expectations of what it means to care, contribute, and coexist. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, sincerity is assessed by conduct rather than language. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was not a remote figure in his home, he made his garments, swept his area, and helped with household work not because someone ordered it, but because it was part of his noble nature. Allah Almighty states in the holy Quran, Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 44: 

‘You command people towards goodness, and yet you forget it yourselves, and you recite the Scriptures; then why do not use your rationale (to do the right thing).’ 

This text is more than just a reminder to connect words and actions; it is a call to become what you teach. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 676, that when Aisha (RA) was asked what the Prophet (ﷺ) used to do in his house, she replied: 

‘He used to keep himself busy serving his family. ‘

That service was not occasional. It was his norm. So, if your child sees you begin to serve without ego, without seeking praise, and without expecting to be asked, they will see not only love in action, but sunnah in motion.