I broke down crying after an argument and my child brought me a tissue silently. I am scared they are becoming emotionally parentified. What do I do? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, when a child responds to a parent’s distress by attempting to comfort them, particularly in silence, it can be a sign of emotional parentification. This is the term for when a child begins to feel responsible for managing adult emotions, a role they often take on without ever being asked. This does not signify a failure on your part; it is a testament to your child’s love and empathy, as they try to offer care in the only way they know how. However, if this dynamic is allowed to repeat over time, they may internalise the belief that their role in a loving relationship is to fix others, rather than to feel safe and cared for themselves. 

How to Respond Without Guilt 

• Acknowledge their gesture warmly but lightly, saying something like, “That was so very kind of you.” 

• Gently reset the roles by clarifying, “Mummy was having a hard moment, but it is never your job to take care of me. It is my job to take care of you.” 

• Model emotional regulation by letting them see you breathe, re-centre yourself, and carry on with the day, even if slowly. 

Later, when things are calm, create a moment for connection and clarity. You could say, “I really appreciated your kindness earlier. It is important for you to know that while it is always okay to feel worried, you never have the job of fixing my feelings. I am okay now.” This teaches your child that while emotions are a normal part of life, their role is not to absorb the pain of others, but to be seen and cared for themselves. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, a parent is not merely a provider of physical care, but also a shield, protecting their children from burdens that are too heavy for young hearts to carry. The emotional development of a child is a sacred process that must be protected, not accelerated. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was deeply loving and affectionate with children, yet he never placed adult emotional weight upon them. He comforted, played with, and encouraged them, but never allowed the roles of caregiver and child to be reversed. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…. ‘

This verse serves as a profound principle for parenting: our role includes shielding others from burdens they are not equipped to carry, a duty that applies most especially to our own children. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4943, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not have mercy on our young and respect for our elders. ‘

Mercy towards the young, in this context, includes guarding their innocence and allowing them to be the ones who are comforted, rather than becoming the comforter. By gently rebalancing this dynamic, you teach your child that their role in the family is not one of sacrifice, but one of safety and steadiness, secure in the knowledge that you are there to care for them.